Walmart guilt (or, my dirty little secret)

Lord help me, I really need the savings

Emily Brannen, an occasional contributor to the CN&R, is a fourth-generation Chicoan and proud mother of the fifth.

Father, I have sinned. It has been one fiscal year since my last confession. In the last year, I have used the Lord’s name in vain, had a child out of wedlock, alternately coveted and, envied my neighbor, and worst of all, I have shopped at Walmart.

I swear on the Holy Bible that I shopped there only once (well, OK, several times), and purchased only items that are absolutely necessary for the safety and comfort of my small child …

Well, and then there was that welcome mat I didn’t really need, and I did try on a couple of bras …

But I only went there because I’d already been to Target and Salvation Army, and I couldn’t afford their curtains, and I really needed some for my baby’s room. And curtain rods, too.

Lord God, please have mercy on my soul. The Devil made me do it. The curtain rods were $4.50 at Target but only $2.50 at Walmart, and I just couldn’t resist. Satan tempteth me also with a half-priced padlock for my gate, and he maketh me buy an extra-large bath mat, too.

You see, Lord, while the economy may be thriving in Heaven, here on Earth it is very hard for a single mom like me to get by, even here in America, the Land of Opportunity.

But, Dear Lord, there is one thing that makes me confused: While I was at Walmart, guiltily comparing prices with mom-and-pop stores like Collier Hardware, I saw many people who did not look much like sinners. In fact, some of them appeared to have come straight from one of your houses of worship, as they were dressed in their Sunday best.

Or maybe there is an epidemic of sin, because I heard on the radio the other day that, while a record number of average Americans are going bankrupt, Walmart’s profits are up. Either Satan is having his way with us, or these Walmart shoppers, sinners that they are, know not the atrocity they commit unto local business owners and Walmart’s employees (and probably some little kids in China).

But, Lord, I alone am responsible for my actions, and I must come clean: I selfishly wanted a bargain so I could pay my own bills, and protect my own child, and I thoughteth not what my sin might do unto others.

Please forgiveth me also for buying that Sausage McMuffin at McDonald’s.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.