Safe for children

Chanukah may be over, but the sleigh bells are just beginning to work. I know I stunned the Chico community by lighting the Senator marquee like a menorah for the Christmas preview, so to make amends I have a peace offering. Today, Friday and Saturday, the Senator is offering the World’s Greatest Christmas Play! The Batbabes Save Christmas is the tale of two Chico women who shop downtown during the day and fight crime at night. I did a lot of research, and here’s what I found about what was formerly known as the “greatest holiday play,” The Nutcracker.

Children don’t crack nuts anymore; it isn’t safe. They get their nuts already cracked. The play is geared toward little girls who want to dance. It’s all just an excuse to give ballerinas work.

With this in mind, I knew that it was time for a new play that would delight the hearts of all children. I came up with a golden concept and went to CN&R cartoonist Craig Blamer to fill out the script. What came back was the blackest, meanest anti-Christmas play ever written. It was as if Scrooge himself had written a children’s play. So with much editing and a complete reversal of themes, The Batbabes Save Christmas was born. In completing the project I interviewed 5-year-olds to see what their ultimate show would be about, and here is what I found:

The show would have superheroes in it. There would also be villains. The good guys would win. It would be free to get in to the show.

The Batbabes Save Christmas fulfills on all these levels. On Dec. 12, 13 and 14 at 7 p.m. sharp, the show is free for kids (anyone who lives at his or her parents’ home and doesn’t have a job). And then, so the master of dark comedy Craig Blamer will work with me in the future, we do the show again at 10 p.m. with a more Blameresque twist (if you know what I mean). The cast is incredible: Sue Reed, Brian Sampson, John Bertoli and John McKinley as the “world’s greatest villains,” and Elizabeth Kollings and Samantha Perry are the “darlings of the superhero world,” the Batbabes! Set design, by Alex Belden, will blow your mind, as will the original score by a live band, The Thugs. To top it off, I wear a mouse outfit.

So, if you’re one of the 100,000 people who read this column each week, please, call anyone you know with kids and tell them to take their kids for free to the Senator for The Batbabes Save Christmas. Call 894-8621 for more info.