Survivor, Long Beach

Well, it looks like Chico State University Provost Scott McNall won’t be banging the bongos on Arcata’s Plaza any time soon. He lost out in the search for Humboldt State University’s new president, after making it to the Final Four. The candidates had gathered last week on a remote island off the coast of Krakatoa, where Chancellor Charles Reed made them eat three master’s theses, a pair of wing-tipped loafers, a dime bag and a piece of a cow’s brain culled from the University Farm. Although McNall did prevail over New York’s (and formerly Chico’s) Dennis Hefner in an immunity challenge that furnished him with a bag of Nacho Cheesier Doritos and a six-pack of Mt. Dew, he was voted off the island when Linda Baer of Minnesota caught him sneaking some beef jerky at a vegetarian potluck.

Oh, wait, that didn’t happen at all. What really happened was that Rollin Richmond, provost at Iowa State University, was picked March 14 for the post to replace retiring HSU President Alistair McCrone.

McNall, in real life, said that while the process was interesting—although I’m not sure he meant the good kind of interesting—it reminded him how much he likes Chico. (He had been sought out for the position rather than applying for it outright.)

“I don’t have to leave paradise,” he said. “I’m very happy here.”

Hands-on president

In other Chico State news, President Manuel Esteban milked a cow. The agreeable leader took teat in hand at the March 14 Ag Day in the Free Speech Area and handily edged out Charles Crabb, dean of the College of Agriculture.

Someone tried to lend Esteban a rugged coat in exchange for his suit jacket, but the president said, “What, you think I might get squirted?” and assumed the position gamely.

Crabb, who unlike Esteban has experience in the dairy field, produced—or should I say elicited—more milk, but, as the Ag Department judge proclaimed, “President Esteban is definitely the winner in quality and precision.” Crabb’s had hay in it.

Later, at the Academic Senate meeting, Esteban elaborated: “Mine was cleaner, and furthermore mine was pasteurized.”

He then proceeded to console McNall for losing out on the glories of being a university president. “I’m sorry you missed that opportunity,” Esteban said.

‘Sweet relief!’

Finally, turning to the News & Review’s own good news, Contributing Editor Laura Smith on March 10 gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Or, as she so delicately describes her Caesarean section, “they slit me open like a fish.” Baby Del, like Laura and husband Chris‘ first, Harrison (he’s almost 2), is a super-cute little heartbreaker.

Laura won’t be back until June, but we made her sign a contract stating that she’ll bring the baby in regularly so we can coo over him.

Here’s a picture of the little guy. I had one of Esteban milking the cow, but this was cuter.