More like a blackout

Whiteout is so lacking in action it actually could put you to sleep

Starring Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht and Tom Skerritt. Directed by Dominic Sena. Feather River Cinemas, Paradise Cinema 7 and Tinseltown. Rated R.
Rated 1.0

This film is utterly ridiculous. A thriller on ice. And that’s being kind.

U.S. Marshall Carrie Stetko (Kate Beckinsale) punishes herself for someone else’s mistake and relocates to Antarctica, where it’s (you guessed it) freakin’ freezing. Rope lines link one building to the next, and to travel between them you must latch on your carabineer so as not to be blown off into the great white wonder.

So how, then, did someone find a body in the middle of nowhere, miles from Stetko’s station? And did I mention that darkness is ready to fall for six months, so if they don’t solve the murder—and fast!—they’re all screwed? Ooh, suspense.

Stetko ends up being joined by Doc (Tom Skerritt) and a U.N. operative (Gabriel Macht). None of them does much to solve the crime, with most of the action occurring in flashbacks to Stetko’s arrest-gone-bad that led her to this white hell in the first place.

How much of a non thriller is this? I actually dozed off right in the middle of all the “action.” That’s how intense it is. That’s how much adrenaline it pumps into your veins.

Beckinsale is beautiful as always, but her character is predictable—in fact, all the characters are. Every opportunity for a double-cross goes unchecked. Every chance for a crazy blizzardly twist lost. Even the crescendo scene is a bit lifeless, leaving viewers wanting more, or maybe actually wishing they’d gone to see All About Steve instead.