Days of Lore

Oink oink
As I write this I’m sweating profusely and wishing I could plunge my fists through my radio, feel around a little and pull the still-beating heart from the chest cavity of the guy singing “a little bit o’ tractor / a little bit o’ farm.” I want to like the radio, I really do … but Johnny Tractor is making it very difficult.

I rarely ever listen to radio these days. I can barely keep track of who plays what, or which station is owned by which company … wait, KALF still plays country, right?

But I did learn this week that Club 96.7, which is the only station where you can hear any hip-hop in Chico, will soon be changing its format. Taking its place will be KPIG, the popular station based out of Freedom, Calif., that plays an eclectic mix of rock, blues and country. The KPIG playlist is more in line with our fair, white-bread town of Chico, and it’s no doubt a savvy business move on the part of Mapleton Communications. Details next week …

Craig Morgan must die
As part of a brilliant, world-changing scientific experiment I recently spent an entire day taking a stroll down the radio dial, stopping when the static gave way to music or to the voice of an on-air personality. I wanted to see if I could glean something positive from local commercial radio. Well, the results are in and … I survived. The guy who sings about tractors and farms, however, wasn’t so lucky, and his heart is sitting in a Mason jar on my shelf. You’re welcome.

So tune in. We’re going on a journey … a journey into sterile environs where bands like Nickelback and Counting Crows get away with playing music of the lowest common denominator. A place where nostalgia rules. And a place where, if that’s all you listened to, the music would naturally become accepted as quality.

Remember: There’s nothing wrong with pop music, but there is a difference between, say, a Kelly Clarkson and a Celine Dion. Apples and oranges.

Dialed in
My first stop was The Bob 92.7, which replaced KLRS in December 2006 after Mapleton bought 10 stations from Regent Broadcasting. The first song that came on was Loverboy’s “When It’s Over,” followed by Joe Jackson’s “Is She Really Going Out With Him?”—a couple of classics that took me back to my younger years glued in front of the television watching MTV and playing drums on the arm of the couch with a pair of markers. The Bob has the best variety of the local stations, also divvying up some Nickelback (I just threw … up … a … little … in … my … mouth), KISS, When in Rome and Jamiroquai. It’s also one of the most listened-to stations in Chico … and it doesn’t have any local deejays. Interesting …

The pizza factor
I’ve come to the conclusion that classic rock is like pizza and sex—even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. I rolled the dial on down to KFM 93.9—the place for The Boss, Bob Seger and Journey—more classic rock, more nostalgia. There are some fun personalities in Tim Buc Moore and Mark Arnone. Every town’s gotta have its classic rock station, and KFM does a fine job. I can take it in doses … I mean, how many times can you hear “Back in Black” before you want to drive your El Camino through the storefront of the local hardware store? Just sayin’.

Next week: I’ll make a pit stop for some adult pop at The Mix 95.1, get my cowboy on at KALF 95.7 and get freaky with Club 96.7 before it goes bye bye. Stay tuned …