Fox unveils GI Schmoe reality series
This spring, the makers of the hugely popular reality series Joe Millionaire and The Bachelor have a twisted new surprise in store for the American viewing public.

Watch what happens when Fox executives follow the Pentagon playbook and recruit 10 junior-high and high-school kids from poor socio-economic backgrounds (with minor mental handicaps) and tell them they’ve been selected to represent their country in the war on Iraq as an elite commando unit, codename GI Schmoe.

Follow these troubled youths as they are duped into believing they have training in hand-to-hand combat and cutting-edge military computers when they are really just learning outdated breakdancing moves and old Atari games!

To make things even sweeter, 10 of the most abused, burka-wearing Afghani women have been handpicked to be imprisoned in a remote Iraqi fort. These tortured women from Stone Row think the American high-school commandos are their saviors. In turn, the Schmoe soldiers think the Afghani women are Saudi princesses worth millions! Wait ’til they meet and hilarity ensues! (Canned audience laughter here.)

Join host Scott Baio (a.k.a. Sgt. Hardbreast) as he sends this crazy crew of dangerous greenhorns to attack a Baby Milk Factory in Episode One, followed by a secret panty raid on Saddam’s Royal Guard armed only with Michael Jackson gloves and cheese graters!

And when our surviving GI Schmoe contestants return stateside, ensuing mental-health problems lead to a wacky string of botched robberies, spousal abuse and murder—all coming to you next fall only on Fox!

Let ’em know
Anti-War Actions on Jan 18-20, 2003 in Washington, D.C., and San Francisco.

This information is available at the United for Peace: Stop the War on Iraq site at

Hundreds of thousands of people are expected to come to Washington, DC on the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday weekend to participate in anti-war protests and commemorate Dr. King’s legacy of organizing against war and militarism, racism, poverty and injustice.

(SF info:) “March and Rally at 1 p.m. at the Civic Center, San Francisco. March assembly point to be announced. If we all work together to build a major movement for peace and justice we can overcome the war makers.”

“Media is going to continue its trend of consolidation, which mirrors the ongoing globalization. This is a natural law. It is inevitable."—media tycoon Barry Diller (Vivendi Co.) to Los Angeles Times.

“Grandma, put the kids to sleep, they shouldn’t be allowed to see this."—Sacramento Kings announcer Jerry Reynolds following a whiplash Keon Clark dunk.

Weekly props
1. Gillian Welch and David Rawlings in Chico?

2. Jonathan Richman at Duffy’s 1/28

3. Casa Ramos (off East Avenue near Albertson’s)

4. Kathy Bates (you dirty birdy!) in About Schmidt