Facebook, doppelgängers and Valentine’s Day love

Bilocation of the DEVO?

Bilocation of the DEVO?

Be my doppelgänger Facebook is always telling me to do things: Tell us what’s on your mind. Chat with Dragonboy. Become a fan of Tapatío Hot Sauce. Poke Betty. For the most part, other than adding unsolicited smart-ass comments to my friends’ otherwise earnest posts, I am able to bypass Facebook’s time-sucking house of mirrors. But where I am powerless is when a friend of a friend responds to someone else’s friend’s call to action, summoning all FBers to do something like “change your profile picture to someone famous (actor, musician, athlete, etc.) you have been told you look like.” I will shave hours off my life to search the Interweb for the perfect post-Three’s Company image of John Ritter to tack up in the tiny one-inch square on my page.

I actually have been told I look like many people throughout my life: Ritter, George Thorogood, Val Kilmer (2000s version), Regis Philbin, Ricky Gervais … basically most any brown-haired, chubby-faced white guy who is at the point in life where his chin is beginning to disappear into his neck.

Painting by Dan Wooldridge.

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Someone whom I haven’t been told I look like, but who has apparently been mistaken for me on more than one occasion, is my longtime friend Dan Wooldridge. (See pictures for comparison … I don’t see it—his chin is too manly.) Make up your own mind Feb. 11-20 (reception Feb. 20, 2 p.m.), at the 1078 Gallery, at Fictional Maps of the West, an exhibition of Woolridge’s latest paintings.

Be my Valentine One of the meanest things I ever did happened on a Valentine’s Day. I was in the fourth grade, in Mrs. Macy’s class, and we were passing out valentines to each other. For some reason I thought it would be funny to write things like “Don’t” in front of “Be My Valentine” on the cards for some of the girls in the class (likely the ones I had the biggest crush on). My buddies thought it was genius, but Mrs. Macy wasn’t as impressed. One of the girls who received one of my anti-Valentines is now one of my Facebook friends. I should ask if she remembers that.

Actually, I should probably be focusing my Valentine’s Day attention on Mrs. DEVO. We don’t normally celebrate too extensively, but it’s comforting to remember that first one—17 years ago—when I came home to find a brand new pair of black Chuck Taylor hi-tops on the front porch overflowing with my favorite Starlight Mints. I think I’m going to try and surprise her with something like that this year. When she wakes up, she’ll walk into the living room and see a glowing wheelbarrow filled with …

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• Ethan Watters, live at Lyon Books: Fresh off an appearance on The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, the Chico native comes home for a reading and book signing of his latest, Crazy Like Us: The Globalization of the American Psyche.

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre: The Nor Cal Rollergirls open the 2010 season with a Valentine’s-themed match vs. the Tahoe Derby Dames Saturday, Feb. 13, 8 p.m., at Cal Skate Chico.

Out of the Blue: The Blue Room puts on four nights of sketch comedy Fridays and Saturdays, 10:30 p.m., Feb. 12-20.