You can’t handle the question

Got a spicy question about Mexicans?
Letters will be edited for clarity cabrones—unless you’re a racist pendejo. And include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we’ll make one up for you!

Dear Mexican:

You mocked and didn’t answer the legitimate questions raised in a letter to you a couple of weeks ago, about the guy who didn’t see a rosy future for a Mexican-led America. The writer correctly referred to serious problems in the Hispanic community, such as poor academic performance and births out of wedlock. Instead of responding in a way that showed that you, too, see there are problems that need to be recognized and addressed to reverse the desperate state of Latinos in America, you brushed off the writer by referring to him as “your kind.” How can we solve the problems when people like you won’t even admit to these serious cultural issues and, in fact, disparage those who bring them up?

—Not Wearing Bean-Colored Glasses

Dear Gabacho:

I did answer the question: You just couldn’t handle the question. We can easily solve the problems you, I and activists decry by treating the problems for what they are—economic issues instead of “cultural” issues. All the problems you brought up are endemic to nearly every group of poor people this country has ever hosted, including negritos, chinitos, gabachos, Native Americans and, yes, Mexicans. And those problems largely disappear once said group moves up in class—you don’t see Boston Brahmins addicted to Mountain Dew like hillbillies in West Virginia, do you? Where people like you and that other pendejo you defend go wrong is by insisting on the Mexican part of the social-problem equation, reducing behavioral pathologies to cultural determinants—in language you can understand, ustedes think Mexicans are in a “desperate state” because they’re Mexicans and nothing else. So, : you and your ilk deserve all the disparaging in the mundo, pinche pendejos babosos.

Why do Mexicans drag their ass when crossing the street? I have noticed that wherever I go in Orange County, when a Mexican is crossing the street and folks are waiting for them to clear the crosswalk, they seem to slow their already slow asses down just because they know the cars have to wait. Is this simply a ploy to piss people off that are in a hurry? Because it’s working. I have also noticed this is a peculiarly Mexican trait: Asians, blacks and white folks actually briskly walk across the street when they see someone waiting for them. For a race that seems to be all about respect, it seems pretty disrespectful.

—Cruising Ambulators Really Rip Off Suckers


They’re slowing down not because they want to disrespect commuters, but because they don’t want to die. The Federal Highway Administration of America’s “The Pedestrian and Bicyclist Highway Safety Problem As It Relates to the Hispanic Population in the United States” found that Latinos make up 16.3 percent of pedestrian fatalities, with Mexis making up nearly 65 percent of that stat—both stats about par for Mexi representation in this country, so not exactly an epidemic. While the report did find fault with Latinos importing the traffic laws of their home countries to el Norte, it also reported that these pedestrians found “a lack of respect from drivers” most of the time that led to accidents. So, : our raza is all about the respect, but we give it when you’re not running us over.