My boyfriend of two years asked if I ever feel attracted to other men. We were out at a bar at the time and I was tipsy. I didn’t think before I answered. When I said yes, this devastated look came over his face. It was so awful I tried to pretend I was joking. He can’t get over this and nothing’s been the same between us. How do I make everything go back the way it was?
You can’t turn back time, but you can awaken your higher consciousness by facing the real issue. Here it is: Your boyfriend was feeling insecure about his attractiveness and the sexual connection you share. Rather than asking directly if you felt sexually satisfied in the relationship or whether you still thought he was hot, he hid his vulnerability by casually inquiring about the competition. Doesn’t your heart soften a little for him? He feared rejection, and through his fear he attracted it.
Be grateful that you answered his question honestly. You did nothing wrong. Don’t tell yourself you would respond differently in the future. Maintain your integrity. Choose not to backpedal when caught telling the truth. Trust yourself to speak from the heart. When you do, your self-worth grows.
It’s easy to resolve this rift between you and your man. Arrange to meet in a private setting. Sit close, look into his eyes, and tell him that, although you sometimes find yourself attracted to other men, it’s your attraction to him that draws you to him, inspires your sexual desire for him and nurtures your commitment to stay. Let him know, without blaming him, whether you ever feared being rejected by him. Be vulnerable and understanding during this convo. Doing so won’t restore your relationship to its pre-confession status. It will spark a new connection that’s better than before.
My husband is obsessed with politics and spends most of his time (we’re retired) on Facebook responding to people’s posts about the president. He has become the angriest, most boring man! I’m about to file for divorce after 43 years of marriage. No matter what I try to talk about, he twists the conversation to the president and his party. Am I wrong to want a peaceful home free of political drama?
No, although it would help if you wanted to have a peaceful mind free of political drama. When our minds are clear, it’s easier to decide what to do or say. But the more you argue with yourself about your husband’s fascination with politics, the more you replicate the behavior he is engaged in with his Facebook friends. He’s obsessed online. You’re obsessing about his obsession. That’s exhausting! Divorcing him might resolve the problem, although it’s more likely that your mind will find something else to argue about. A healthier alternative is to work with your husband to find a solution. Pick one crisis and volunteer full-time with an organization committed to a genuine solution. By participating in the solution, rather than ranting on Facebook or in your head, you’ll contribute to healing the world, instead of upholding behavior you dislike.