The Last Witch Hunter
A medieval warrior (Vin Diesel, in a silly wig and beard) slays the Queen of Witches (Julie Engelbrecht). As she dies, she curses him with immortality; 800 years later, he's living in New York, clean-shaven but still tracking down wicked witches and turning them over to a secret society for incarceration. The answer to the inevitable who-writes-this-crap question is Cory Goodman, Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, the latter two of whom wrote last year's equally crappy Dracula Untold. Ineptly directed by Breck Eisner (who would probably have a flourishing career as a Starbucks barista if he weren't the son of ex-Disney chief Michael Eisner), the movie is a dull mix of superstitious mumbo-jumbo and CGI folderol. Elijah Wood, Rose Leslie, Michael Caine and Diesel are all wasted—and so is our time. J.L.