The Hills Have Eyes
A squabbling family on vacation (led by dad Ted Levine and mom Kathleen Quinlan) takes a wrong turn in the desert and is bushwhacked by mutant survivors of atomic testing, who begin slaughtering the hapless tourists one by one. Alexandre Aja, the writer and director of the repulsive French slasher-porn High Tension, remakes Wes Craven’s 1977 potboiler—and thereby, on behalf of France, forfeits forever the right to lecture about the superiority of French culture. Among the victims who haven’t seen enough movies to know better than to take directions from a toothless cretin at a desolate gas station are Aaron Stanford, Vinessa Shaw, Dan Byrd and Emilie de Ravin. If it’s true that stage blood is made by mixing red food coloring and chocolate syrup, this movie should keep Hershey’s solvent for years.