Peach scones: A review

“How do you even make a scone out of a freaking squash?”

“How do you even make a scone out of a freaking squash?”

By now, you probably know that Hobo Johnson’s “Peach Scone” music video has gone viral with 7.6 million views and counting by the time this paper went to press.

What you might not know is where to get a peach scone in Sacramento. Rest easy—I’ve done the legwork for you. But first, a bit more about Johnson.

The 23-year-old Oak Park rapper has been steadily rising, and this video submission to NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert is only his latest win. And it’s solid: With his signature folk-punk yelps to hold back from crying, Johnson tries to confess his affection for a love interest, but he gets nervous and distracted.

It doesn’t bode well that she’s got a boyfriend: “Are you in love? If so, what type? / Is it just platonic, strictly just as friends / Or the type that ties you two together til’ tomorrow’s end?” Because he risks losing her, he downplays his feelings to guard against vulnerability: “I love the thought of being with you / Or maybe it’s the thought of not being so alone.”

And he avoids his emotions with whatever fleeting thought he can grab:

I just wanna tell you real quick

I love these scones, just the diversity between the selection

The raspberry, the blueberry, the strawberry, pumpkin even,

Which is basically a fucking squash

How do you even make a scone out of a freaking squash?

It blows my mind, oh man

Then, later:

But she is just so sweet and she cared about me a lot when no one else cared about me and I think that’s really nice

You know, she’s just a peach

She’s a peach scone

Scones. I don’t know too many people who go gaga over the baked good. They’re often a dense, dry mouthful of crumbs. So I set out to find the best here, one worth singing about—maybe even one that makes you see hearts, in the manner of Hobo?

The Sacramento Natural Foods Co-op (2820 R Street) has an impressive assortment of scones ($2.75) baked in-house every day: lately, chocolate chip coconut, lemon lavender, apple cinnamon walnut, vegan cranberry orange and maple pecan. The maple pecan was choice: crisp on the outside, not too dry. But it wasn’t the stuff of love songs.

Yellowbill Cafe (1425 14th Street) had a delightful strawberry lemon scone ($3.25) with chunks of strawberries, a lemon latticework of glaze and a soft, thin disc of dough.

Fox & Goose Pub (1001 R Street) practically cheats on this contest with its topping of Devonshire cream ($1.75) that would disguise even the driest scones with a heavenly cloud of sugar. The halved olallieberry scone ($3.75) balanced a crisp exterior with a butter-soaked middle.

But where are the all-important peach scones of Johnson’s verses? Out of season, that’s where. I did find one: In frozen dough at Fat Cat Scones in South Sacramento. I raced home to bake their peach passion and popular lemon drop scones ($15 for three, one-pound tubs of dough). The scones were (at last!) moist and packed with flavor.

In a “highly scientific” survey, I asked SN&R staffers to anonymously rate the lemon vs. the peach, using Johnson’s lyrics. The lemon came out on top, with an overall rating of 8.25 and the kind of love like “Not being so alone.” The peach was a cool 7.1 and most commonly rated “Just platonic, strictly as friends.”

But one commenter connected with the peach on the level that Hobo Johnson has, writing on the survey, “I wanna take this scone out to my backyard on a cool, sunny morning with a cup of coffee in my porcelain mug and write in my journal so I don’t feel so alone.”

Finally, a scone worth dating.