On the juice

I haven’t chewed all week. Meals consist of kale, celery, carrots, rainbow chard, ginger, cucumbers, apples and more, which go into a juicer, where they transform into an opaque, wastewater-looking potion. I swallow about 10 ounces of this magic mix about five times a day. Happy New Year.

Not sure what inspired me to hop on the resolution bandwagon. Perhaps it was a feeling of being left out, what with all the David Blaine weight-loss sorcery and rigmarole embraced this time of year. Or maybe it's because, just weeks after the holidays, I already can't fit into that new pair of work pants.

Whatever: The juice Reboot diet is a craze, and I got sucked in. Don't blame me—or America. It began on the other side of the equator, with an Australian named Joe Cross. A few years ago, Cross was 300-plus pounds, sick, depressed, lethargic. So, he did what any confused, overweight Aussie might do: He came to the USA and filmed a reality TV series.

Actually, he made a documentary: He quit chiliburgers and nacho fries and started juicing his own vegetables and fruits every day. For 60 days. The guy lost nearly 90 pounds during the making of his 2010 film, Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead, and now he runs his own website, www.rebootwithjoe.com, which advises others on how to undertake juice Reboots.

During the first couple days of my reboot, the body exacted revenge for all the bacon mac 'n' cheese and gravy sucked down during the holidays. Dizziness, fatigue, bad gas—it's wonderful.

But then, almost suddenly, you wake up earlier than usual one morning and feel refreshed, inspired. There's a realization that maybe we shouldn't be gorging on all that holiday cheer in the first place.

This feels better.