Office affair

I think that a co-worker is having an affair. I am not the only one at the office who suspects this. Should I tell his wife?

You should talk to him. Remember that the presence of a congregation at a wedding has a symbolic dimension. The family and friends witnessing the ceremony represent the entire community. The community has an important role in the couple’s union: We all are responsible for helping the married couple maintain their vows. If you know that your co-worker is cheating on his wife, your task is to provide gentle but firm guidance to him.

Encourage him to seek counseling and to admit the affair to his wife. After all, from the perspective of many religions, adultery is the attempted murder of a marriage. Often, people who feel incapable of resolving their personal or marital problems engage in affairs as an indirect way of telling the world that they have issues and need help.

Of course, be certain that your information is absolutely correct before proceeding with any of this. And take great care to ensure that this situation does not become fodder for office gossip.

Last year, I met a man who I thought had the potential to be the love of my life. We were really attracted to each other, and our relationship quickly escalated. The problem is that even though there was a strong attraction and great communication, he never seemed to be as interested in the relationship as I was. After a while, I felt like I was pulling him along, and it was exhausting. When the subject of a commitment came up, he was all for it, but after he agreed, he never seemed very committed. I finally broke it off.

I have dated several men since then, but I don’t feel the same level of connection with them. I think about my former relationship a lot. He has called me a few times, but I have not responded. Should I give him another chance or just let it be? How do I know that he is the one? I should add that when he calls, he just says hello. He doesn’t say that he wants to get back together.

You broke up with him, but you enjoy dragging your mind back into a sanitized version of the relationship by imagining that he is the love of your life. I admit that I am curious about why you are so fixated on him. Perhaps he possesses attributes celebrated by popular culture: He’s physically attractive, has a university degree, drives a nice car, owns a lovely home, earns a substantial salary, etc. Perhaps those qualities have convinced you that he is also emotionally mature, spiritually developed and mentally prepared to enter a committed partnership. Don’t fool yourself. If a man who refused to give himself to you completely is the love of your life, you need another image of love.

However, if you yearn for a commitment-phobic man, he’s definitely the one for you. Commitment-phobia is cured by the person with the problem, not by the people around him or her. So, don’t seduce yourself into thinking that if he really understood how much you have to offer, he would, without a doubt, fully commit himself to you.

Of course, he may have changed since you were last together. If you can maintain a clear mind, return his call and evaluate whether he is making his heart available to you or whether he is simply extending a free ticket for a trip to familiar territory. You’ll know if he is the one for you if he cherishes you and encourages you to be true to your values and to your God.

Meditation of the Week

“You have to admit that you are wounded in order to understand someone else’s pain,” says Chip Spann, editor of the new anthology Poet Healer. One of Spann’s colleagues called him a “metaphysical cardiologist.” What would it take for you to become one?