Moaning and Groening

Got a spicy question about Mexicans?
Letters will be edited for clarity cabrones—unless you’re a racist pendejo. And include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we’ll make one up for you!

Dear Readers:

Gracias to all the Know Nothings who responded to my 100-word-essay challenge asking them to justify loving legal Mexicans but not the illegal ones; I will publish the best entries on the Mexican’s April Fools’ edición.

On a more important note: pinche. Many of ustedes offered alternate meanings to this Mexican Spanish vulgarity beyond “cooking assistant” and “fucking in the adverbial sense.” From our Puerto Rican brothers:

“In Puerto Rico, pinche is simply the term used for a wooden clothespin. There is no negative connotation of the word [here].”

From a gabacho married to a Colombian chica:

“When my in-laws were in recently, my cuñada saw us drinking margaritas from a margarita glass. ‘Eso es muy pinche,’ she said, and our mouths dropped. But according to my mother-in-law, pinche in Colombia just means that one is putting on airs.”

Next is my pal Tigrillo, a proud Mexi grad of Princeton University, voicing something echoed by many other tejanos who wrote in:

“In south Texas, they use pinche to refer to people being tight with their money. Kind of weird, since so many folks in south Texas have roots in Monterrey, the supposed land of the codos. I think that meaning of pinche is Tex-Mex, and I have never heard it used similarly elsewhere.”Something for the Spanish-speaking readers of this column. Oh, my god: the Reconquista has even hit ¡Ask a Mexican!

Soy un nostálgico ex-neoyorquino que ahora vive en Chilangolandia. Leyendo la respuesta que diste al uso de pinche, pienso que no puedes decir ‘¡Pinche!’ a secas, porque además de adverbio es un adjetivo que necesita calificar a un nombre. Tienes que decir, como le explicaste al gabacho: ‘¡Pinche gringo culero!,’ o ‘¡Pinche güey!’ como decimos mucho aquí en Mexico City. ¿Y qué tal el superlativo pinchísimo? También se debe incluir como adjetivo, ¿no?: ‘¡Esa película estuvo pinchísima!’ es una gran palabra y por supuesto es muy buena traducción para fucking. Me gusta particularmente: ‘Fucking bitch!’ Pero no por misógino, sino porque suena tan bien como ‘¡Pinche puta!’”

The final word goes to a gabacho living in Mexico:

“Actually, Mexican: Here in Sinaloa, pinche is a pretty mild word, more like your definition, ‘worthless.’ Commonly used by la gente educada y religiosa, pinche just doesn’t have that connotation of ‘fucking’ that it seems to have gained from you pinche wabs y Chicanos in the borderlands and in the United States.”One qualifier to the Mexicanized gabacho: He lives in Sinaloa, a Pacific coastal state notorious for its tough, vulgar residents, where most of Mexico’s drug lords originate.

Have you seen the Simpsons figurines from Kidrobot? The Bumblebee Man is the hardest to get, therefore the most valuable of the bunch. I’ve seen it on eBay going for $75, when they cost seven bucks in the store. You think Matt Groening did this on purpose ‘cause he really does love the Mexicans, or you think it was just a funny character and a funny coincidence?

Señora Ding Dong

Dear Wabette: Of course Groening loves Mexicans, and not just because he admits that the legendary Mexican superhero El Chapulín Colorado (The Red Grasshopper) inspired Bumblebee Man. As I argue in an essay included in my ¡Ask a Mexican! compilation, The Simpsons is the most-Latino show ever to appear on English-language television, one so wabby it makes The George Lopez Show seem as gabacho as Friends.