Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Rated 3.0

My bar for all things dinosaur-related, including the Jurassic Park film franchise, has always been notoriously low. The first Jurassic Park movie is generally beloved and iconic, but I also ravenously consumed the sequels, sticking with the franchise through every indefensible decision like a tortured sports fan. Dr. Ian Malcolm’s adopted daughter doing gymnastics to escape the velociraptors in The Lost World? I’m fine with it. A typically moist-eyed Téa Leoni rescuing her parasailing son from dinosaur island in Jurassic Park III? Sure, why not. Jimmy Fallon as Jimmy Fallon in Jurassic World? Yes. But even by my admittedly basement-level standards, J.A. Bayona’s Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom still feels like a giant glob of triceratops spit lobbed right in the audience’s face. The first Jurassic World was incredibly retrograde and dumb, but it was also driven by an irresistible premise, while this dutiful follow-up just feels numb and exhausted.