Juicing craze is getting crazy

Sacramento has predicted its future. And that future is kale juice.

I suppose this shouldn’t come as a huge surprise. The Downtown Sacramento Foundation picked its two winners for the Calling All Dreamers contest a couple weeks back, and it awarded the top prize to quirky, eco-friendly clothing company Ana Apple.

That means Ana Apple gets a startup-business package valued at $135,000, with a shop in Old Sacramento. But in a surprise twist, the foundation gave the Metro Juice Company a special award with a storefront at 800 J Lofts. Because, according to the announcement, juice is “uniquely positioned to support the overall vision for downtown.”

In this vision, residents apparently participate in juice cleanses. They pair organic, flavored nut milks with their salads. They grab a nutrient-packed, exotically spiced, cold-pressed beverage to guzzle down on their way to yoga.

I guess I have nothing against juicing and healthful lifestyles. After all, SN&R’s own Nick Miller did a juice cleanse earlier this year. But to tout a high-end juice bar as a unique example of the “vision for downtown” just sounds silly.

Metro Juice Company is already a regular at local farmers markets. A 12-ounce bottle of beet-carrot-ginger is priced at $7.25. Delicious, certainly, but beyond yuppie-priced. Supposedly, cold-pressed juice costs so much because there are literally pounds of produce in each bottle, and pounds of pressure needed to juice it all. And skinny celebrities like them.

We all saw the trend coming when Starbucks bought a juice company in 2011 for $30 million. That company, by the way, has a juice-food pairing guide on its website. Did you know tropical blends accentuate banh mi?

Another business, Sun & Soil Juice Company, is set to open at 1912 P Street this spring with remarkably similar-sounding offerings. But instead of disposable cups, it’ll be extra green with a glass-bottle-exchange program.

Then there’s Soulstice Juice, cold-pressing the raw stuff in El Dorado Hills. And Peel’d, Sacramento’s harbinger of juice diets. Plus, long-standing Luna’s Café & Juice Bar and relatively new Cap City Squeeze Juice Bar, which don’t cold-press but still juice.

Whatever. Juice is delicious, and its associations with bikes, yoga and inner peace are all good things. I guess I’m just bitter there are still no downtown plans for artisanal toast.