Rated 1.0

In 1998, a few aimless, 20-something Star Wars fanatics make a cross-country pilgrimage from Ohio to George Lucas’ Nor-Cal Skywalker Ranch, determined to sneak a pre-release peak at Episode I: The Phantom Menace before one in their ranks dies from cancer. (Snark alert: In retrospect, maybe he was the lucky one?) Wackiness ensues, and most of what should be funny seems tired and limp, while occasional swerves into Serious Acting become painfully funny. The cast includes alumni of Cavemen, Freddy vs. Jason, Balls of Fury and Gossip Girl’s Kristen Bell as the knowingly token girl, plus a predictable cameo parade topped off by a dully shameless Seth Rogen in multiple parts. Supporters will want to attribute its lameness to the Weinstein Company meddling that delayed this movie’s release for almost two years, but the team-written script clearly wasn’t there to begin with, and director Kyle Newman’s only evident proficiency is his own obvious fandom. Having myself once owned a vehicle nicknamed “the Millennium Falcon,” in which Rush really was the only musical option, I swear I am not above it all. But I am over it.