Oh, October. How you tax us with your many disparate traditions! Why can’t you be straightforward like November? November has one major holiday. Thanksgiving comes, we eat mashed potatoes, and we move on. It’s simple and efficient. Or June! June doesn’t insist on allegiance to tradition. June just says, “Hey, summer’s here. Enjoy it any way you like.”

But you roll into town, October, and we can’t do enough to celebrate you. Granted, you’re not as bad as December, with that overbearing Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanzaa/New Year’s Eve agenda, but you’re pretty demanding.

Are we supposed to knock back pints at the 39th annual Oktoberfest this Friday and Saturday at 6 p.m.—where $10 buys entry to the Turner Hall (3349 J Street), live music from Alpen Band California and access to delicious Viennese treats? Is that what you want?

Or maybe you expect us to affirm our anti-violence stance at the 27th annual Sacramento Women Take Back the Night event, joining hundreds of others on the west steps of the Capitol on Saturday at 6:30 p.m. for music, marching and self-defense demonstrations?

Should we participate in the free community altar workshop on Saturday at 10 a.m. at 40 Acres Art Gallery (35th Street and Broadway) to prepare for Dia de los Muertos?

Perhaps we ought to queue up for the newly opened Gyro’s 3-D Fear Factory at Downtown Plaza, where $19.95 grants admission to 80,000 square feet of terror every weekend night through Halloween?

Oh, and of course we musn’t forget to start combing the racks at Zoot’s, Evangeline’s Costume Mansion and local thrift stores in search of the perfect costume.

Even if we start this week, we might not get it all done—and the days are only getting shorter. Maybe it’s best to hole up with bulk bags of candy corn and mini-Snickers until the indecision passes.