Sex & Love

Best way to celebrate your same-sex wedding anniversary

Work for marriage equality
Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, but the horse is nowhere to be found for all but 18,000 of the “special” same-sex couples in California. As members of this group celebrate their first anniversary, the best way to mark that significant date is to work for marriage equality for everyone else. Share PB&J sandwiches and donate the money you would have spent on a fancy dinner to Marriage Equality USA or Equality California. Instead of a weekend getaway, try Camp Courage, where you can learn to talk to others about your experience with marriage equality. Make sure you’re on the e-blast list for Equality Action Now, Sacramento’s local grassroots organizing group. Help our brethren and sistern in Maine, who face the same sort of misinformative initiative campaign California went through with Proposition 8. Whatever you do, don’t take your marriage for granted.
Visit www.marriageequality.org, www.eqca.org, www.couragecampaign.org, www.equalityactionnow.org and www.mainefreedomtomarry.com. K.M.

Best way to celebrate your opposite-sex wedding anniversary

Work for marriage equality
There’s nothing special about equality. Straight people have as much to lose from enshrining religious beliefs into our state constitution as gay people do. Celebrate your wedding anniversary—no matter how long it’s been—by supporting marriage equality for all.
For some specific suggestions, see the organizations listed above. K.M.

Best place to get that rash checked out

CARES Sacramento
Whether you woke up in a cold sweat after a night of questionable activities involving Craigslist’s erotic services, or you’re just getting a routine checkup, the volunteers of Sacramento’s Center for AIDS Research, Education and Services provide one of the area’s best resources for free and confidential HIV and STD testing. It takes less time than your lunch break. The knowledgeable staff is friendly and couldn’t be fazed by any of my perverse questions—something I can’t say for the rest of the people I know. Oh, and if you’re too broke to afford contraceptives from the drugstore, do the responsible thing and stop by. They have condoms in more flavors and sizes than fruit at a farmers’ market.
1500 21st Street, (916) 443-3299, www.caresclinic.org. J.D.

Best plan for the spontaneous

Planned Parenthood Mar Monte
Who doesn’t like sex and love? The problem is that excitement during the heat of the moment can lead to trouble down the road: a baby you’re just not ready to care for or a sexually transmitted disease. If you’re young, this is particularly troublesome, because it may seem like there’s no place to turn. Don’t worry, there is. Hundreds of thousands of people have found the help they need at the Sacramento area’s six Planned Parenthood centers. The Boy Scouts are right about at least one thing: It’s best to be prepared.
Various locations, (916) 446-5037, www.ppmarmonte.org. R.V.S.

Best sitting by the dock of the bay

Tower Bridge
So it’s not really a bay and it’s certainly rife with tourists, but we like heading down at sunset to the dock near the Tower Bridge in West Sacramento. With boats lazing through the water, cyclists cruising by and couples of all ages strolling, it’s a lovely place to end the day and reconnect with your dearie. Bonus: Nearby candy and ice-cream shops add sweetness to the whole romantic shebang.
Front Street, Old Sacramento. R.L.

Best way to share the love

Leroy, SN&R’s office pug
Nothing cures loneliness like a small pet. Take Leroy the Office Pug, for instance. He’ll waddle up to your chair, plop his little doggy butt down and stare at you with these baleful, hungry eyes you just can’t ignore. What’s that, Leroy? Your owner won’t let you have table scraps because they give you gas? Here’s a piece of pepperoni pizza, boy. Now get out there and share the love.
Leroy the Office Pug asked that his address not be listed. R.V.S.

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Pop quiz

Where’s the best place to take a first date?
“Shakespeare in the Park works quite well—with a bottle of Chianti.”
—Philip Davis, Sacramento

Best wedding spot that won’t break the bank

A city park
In this era of economic uncertainty, it’s time Sacramentans ditch the idea that $20,000 weddings are necessary. Everyone should be paying off the debt that burst the economy bubble, not increasing it with extravagant centerpieces and $5,000 gowns. The first step in cutting wedding costs: Have an intimate wedding in a city park. Sacramento has plenty of beautiful parks from which to choose, including McKinley Park Rose Garden. Plus, at only $140 per three-hour time block (and a $100 damage deposit), newlyweds will have more money for their honeymoon.
(916) 808-6060, www.cityofsacramento.org/parksandrecreation. J.K.

Best strangely romantic date idea

Giving blood
What else is as warm, red and close to your heart as blood? OK, maybe I stole this from a Valentine’s episode of Beverly Hills, 90210, but that was years ago. Regardless, Brenda and Dylan had the right idea. For once. Giving blood saves lives. For a date idea, it’s inexpensive, creative, and guaranteed to up your sensitive-and-socially-conscious score, which will help with the, um, scoring.
BloodSource, various locations; (916) 456-1500; www.bloodsource.org. K.B.

Best public make-out spot

Century Downtown Plaza 7
There’s a reason movie theaters are time-honored places for make-out sessions. They’re dark and loud enough to mask smacking lips. Stadium seating kind of ruined the tradition, since other moviegoers can peer over your make-out session like God from his throne, casting judgment on your attempt to spice up your love life. Instead of the überfancy stadium-seating multiplex, catch a late-night showing at Century Downtown Plaza 7. Most screenings, especially ones that have been open for weeks, are nearly empty, and the seats are old-fashioned. Plus, it has lots of hallways for those who can’t wait for the theater doors to open.
445 Downtown Plaza, (916) 442-9022. J.K.

Best date night for carnivores with a car

Buckhorn Steakhouse and The Palms Playhouse
The quaint town of Winters is 40 minutes from Sacramento, but it’s worth going if you have a ride and a little cash to spend. The Buckhorn is a classic steakhouse with lots of atmosphere, including high ceilings and the heads of horned animals adorning the walls. Order Dungeness crab cakes to impress your date, then go for the sirloin or lobster and accompanying greens. After dinner, head across the street to The Palms Playhouse for the night’s entertainment. Everyone knows the worst mistake Davis ever made was to let this beloved venue get away. The Palms promises good times and great music.
2 Main Street, Winters; (530) 795-4503; www.buckhornsteakhouse.com
13 Main Street, Winters; (530) 795-1825; www.palmsplayhouse.com. M.W.

Best heavy metal and lap dance one-two punch

The Kennel Club and City Limits Showgirls
The 5800 block of Auburn Boulevard is living proof that Satan is alive and well. Case in point: This Friday, September 18, you can go to 21-and-up hard-rock venue The Kennel Club to see Venice outfit Beowulf, Missouri-based metal troupe Head on Collision and Sacramento’s own Psychosomatic. It’s an evening of thrash rock so painful, it’ll make you wish you’d left that stick up your ass. Afterwards you can stumble next door to neighboring City Limits Showgirls, where honest strippers will give you attention even if you’re covered in 30 other dudes’ mosh-pit sweat. If that doesn’t blow your mind, then get back to Elk Grove where you belong.
The Kennel Club, 5821 Auburn Boulevard; (916) 339-1675; www.myspace.com/kennelclub
City Limits Showgirls, 5809 Auburn Boulevard; (916) 344-8118. N.M.