The Tourist

Rated 1.0

Considering the star power (Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie) in this vehicle, it’s quite remarkable how dull and inept this movie is. Jolie plays a woman who, for mysterious reasons—because she’s mysteriousoooh—selects an American tourist in Italy (Depp) to be a pawn in her scheme to get back together with a past lover—or something like that. I’m not sure the stars even knew what the plot was for this film. Depp and Jolie drift through this movie, never exhibiting anything even feigning interest in what they’re doing. And who can really blame them with a meaningless, directionless script like this? Jolie delivers each of her lines in a sluggish, pompous British accent that makes this her most annoying performance since Alexander. Depp sort of just hangs around, knowing that he’s all cool and will survive this mess to make another Pirates of the Caribbean movie.