More vile drivel from a polite sociopath

Intolerant readers have been nipping at my ankles again because of a recent column about parents’ rights. At least they’re paying attention.

One reader read the column in question twice, looking in vain for signs of sarcasm or irony, literary devices which would presumably have reassured her that my edge wasn’t as jagged as it seemed to be. A listener to one of my radio spots once asked for a satire warning, so she’d know how to think. Fat chance.

This gentle reader says my opinion was “disgusting.” I just arranged the words. The disgust was her contribution, and it means so much to her that she’d like the estimable Mr. Tuchinsky and me to be fired.

Out of curiosity, I suppose, she wants to know if I’d like to be drowned or beaten to death. She didn’t mention any other choices. Here’s my response: No, I wouldn’t.

She asks further what I suggest should happen to baby killers, although my suggestion is what the column is about, and she says she read it twice. Essentially, I don’t care what happens to baby killers, because I think they create their own consequences, punishment or otherwise. I just don’t want a government involved. Here I use “baby killers” to refer to people who kill babies. For the record, I also don’t care what happens to killer babies.

She implies that she’d like to “regulate” (what do you suppose that means?) the reproductive rights of people who kill their children. Because that’s not legal yet, she says such people should be imprisoned “so they cannot breed more victims.” She adds, “I know we can’t save them all, but isn’t trying that much harder going to increase our success rate?” So it’s the numbers she’s after.

A regular reader says I’m “well-mannered, polite, intelligent, and has even served on the boards of nonprofit corporations, presumably to make a contribution.” I thank her. Not content to leave it at that, though, she says, “On the other hand, sometimes he’s just gross—hairless pudenda and e-mail to his privates come to mind.” I can think of nothing gross about hairless pudenda, and that’s the catch. Grossness and disgust are in the minds of the grossed-out and disgusted, which is fine with me and the only places judgments can be. I like her thinking I’m well-mannered and polite, but those are just more opinions.

Reader No. 1 ends with, “I’m revolted and angry, and I feel like taking it out on your advertisers.” Maybe she’ll attack them in print. However she expresses herself, she’ll be directing her efforts at people who had nothing whatever to do with the column that so upset her. They might even be pleased that my work makes people read and so provides more eyeballs for their ads.

Nobody knows in advance what I’m going to say until I turn in my copy, certainly not advertisers. I seldom know much in advance myself.