Local bastard

Cremaster of the crop. The Greek origin of the word cremaster roughly translates as “suspenders.” In the case of the muscle of the same name in a dude’s groin that draws the testes into the body to keep ’em warm, these suspenders are pretty important. For that reason, Local Bastard has spent his life exercising said muscle so that he can stow his li’l guys under hot wraps at will. His power to do so can often give an impression that there is no there there, but never mind that—just know that the extra heat keeps this soulless bastard’s fires a-burnin’.

In like Flynn. Local playwright Emily Brennen has had two of her short plays chosen to be included in an original short-play fest in New York put on by big-time play publishers Samuel French. The Blue Room is presenting a reading of the two plays (Thurs., June 30, 7:30 p.m.) to raise funds to send Brennen to NYC to oversee production. Doubly cool is the fact that the Blue Room will be listed as original producers if the play(s) become published, but doubly-doubly cool is the fact that Brennen’s grandparents hosted Errol Flynn while The Adventures of Robin Hood were being filmed in Bidwell Park in the ’30s. You know there’s at least one award-winning story in there somewhere.

The Party Barge is huge! “It’s a dance floor, bar, lounge, dining room, or your own campground!” The calendar says it’s summer, so Local Bastard is taking his Visa to the Bidwell Canyon Marina ( www.gobidwell.com/page8.html ) and reserving this monster boat. Twenty people can fit on the thing, so who wants in on the party?!

TO DO: Sell the stuff you make. Those busy chicks of the Den Art Collective are staging another Off the Lawn craft-selling bazaar in mid-August, and the call is out for participants. Contact Ajay Casey Reed at offthelawn@hotmail.com for info and to reserve your spot.

TO BURN: Do you like to laugh? 2-CD bootlegs of both seasons (all 35 episodes, plus the pilot) of Chris Elliot’s legendary TV show Get a Life are popping up on eBay for as low as $35.

TWO MORE: By now a thousand times more people know about the recent vandalism at the disc golf course in Bidwell Park than actually use the disc golf course in Bidwell Park. But, if you really want to get to the warm center of all that fuzzy goodness, check out those squeaky wheels on the message board at www.chicodiscgolf.org/Chicodiscgolf /. And lastly, Local Bastard has to share a little story with y’all. This morning, L.B. was rappin’ with CN&R co-worker Jason Cassidy (you may have seen his handsome picture in this week’s Synthesis) over a breakfast of Red Bull and glazed doughnuts at 7-Eleven. Cassidy was telling me of how a couple years ago he spent a day recording a demo for a young, new Chico band with this Hot Flash of a drummer who really made the session move. He hadn’t seen the guy play before, and was once again floored by how the little town of Chico seems to always have some new, young, passionate music talent hiding in the shadows waiting to jump into the fray and inject some life into the scene. We both agreed that helping out such musicians—whether it be with recording, putting on shows or just being encouraging—is the good way to keep things from becoming stagnant in a scene. And that’s the truth.