I usually don’t go over insurance renewals too carefully. I’ve had the same policies for years, and my agent is the same one my parents used when I was a kid, so I don’t bother reading all the fine print. But I had to break out the paperwork when Amy asked if our renters’ insurance covered fires.

“I’m sure it does,” I said, hoping to roll over and go to sleep.

Piercing silence.

Sigh. Out of bed, into the computer room, back to bed.

Yes, we are covered in case of fire. Armageddon is another matter.

“We will not cover loss or damage caused by nuclear action,” my policy states. What is nuclear action? Any “reaction, discharge or radiation or radioactivity, or any consequence of any of these.”

So bombs, fallout and meltdowns are out. However: “Direct loss from fire resulting from nuclear action is covered.” Most comforting. See, we are protected from fire!

Unless a raging radical starts it, that is—“We will not cover loss or damage caused by war or warlike acts, including insurrection, rebellion, or revolution.”

Those actuaries think of everything. They also won’t cover damage from “inherent vice” or “property on exhibition at fair grounds or on any national or international exposition premises, unless otherwise indicated in this endorsement.” In other words, unless it’s a fair policy.

Earthquake insurance seems straightforward: If it cracks, we must pay you back.

Same with car insurance: If you crash, we give you cash.

But health insurance … that’s a different matter. There are so many disclaimers, it’s a wonder anyone can ever file a claim.

“Monthly rate for individuals ages 19-29 for the following counties: Alpine, Butte, Del Norte, Imperial, Inyo, Kern, Plumas, San Luis Obispo, Sonoma, Stanislaus, Trinity, Yolo and the following Santa Barbara ZIP codes: 93254, 93427, 93429, 93434, 93436-38, 93440-41, 93454-58, 93460, 93463-64.” (That, believe it or not, is considered one region. Talk about gerrymandering …)

“Vital Shield 2900, Active Start Generic Rx, Essential plan 1750, and Balance plans are subject to regulatory approval.” (Excuse me? Now I need a doctor and a lawyer?!?)

“Pregnancy and maternity care not covered.”

“Rehabilitation services not covered.”

“Durable medical equipment not covered.”

Viagra—covered. (I love America!)

“Member has two doctor visits per calendar year before the calendar year copayment/coinsurance maximum is met. After the two visits are used for any one purpose, the member pays 100% of the allowable amount for the doctor visits and services until the calendar year copayment/coinsurance maximum is met, and these amounts do not accrue toward the deductible or copayment maximum.” (Uh, sure …)

I know, I know, it’s important to read everything I sign. I’m just not sure I’m covered—either home or health—if my head explodes.

More “Big” news: As I mentioned last week, I’m in the running for Big Celebrity at the Big Event for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Butte County. (Enough Bigs there for you?) BBBS has put up Web pages for the candidates in all four categories.

Check me out … and if you think I’m more celebrity-like than deejay Dori McKay or club golf pro David Lee, please click on the PayPal button and help me help the kids.