Days of Lore

The Online Romance … offline.

The Online Romance … offline.

Something’s tainted all right
Hmm … interesting. Wait a second … that can’t be right. Huh? I’m confused … I’d better take another loo… no way. What?! There’s something going on here! They’re CRAZY! WTF?! I’LL CUT THEM!! I’M GOING TO …

Oh … hi. I apologize … didn’t realize you were there. As you can see, I’m a little flustered. I was just reading the schedule of upcoming shows at Sierra Nevada’s Big Room, and I saw that Tainted Love is coming Nov. 19.

Yes, you heard me correctly, Tainted Love—the morbidly popular ’80s cover band that began playing LaSalles about once a semester at the dawn of Y2K for about five bucks, which with the increasing popularity of the me-first decade quickly jumped to $10. Pretty soon, they were getting ridiculous amounts of ink in The Orion (including from yours truly in 2002), playing twice a semester and even performing two shows in a night and charging $15.

There’s some elapsed-time inflation for ya.

Now Tainted Love is playing at the Big Room … The Big Room! It will actually be the final show there this year, not counting the annual New Year’s Eve bash, since the venue is booked solid with Christmas events.

I have but one question: Who will be at the Tainted Love show? Middle-aged men with Hawaiian shirts, silver ponytails and Birks? Hip young college folk wearing polo shirts, backwards caps and flip-flops? An amalgamation of both? The $20 ticket price might scare away the kiddies, but then again, people luvs them some nostalgia.

I’ve actually seen the group twice—it’s definitely a good time—and I remember on one occasion they played EMF’s “Unbelievable” from the classic Schubert Dip album … OK, it’s not a classic, but the song is—however, it was actually released in 1991. Hmm … I’ve got my eye on you, Tainted Love! And I’m blaming you for killing the disco revival, too.

A budding Online Romance
Since I’m stranded on the island of Chico, I sometimes have to enlist the services of top-secret spies—or little birds, as I like to call them—to plug me into good music sweeping metropolises (although I prefer the more pretentious, albeit incorrect, metropoli) across the globe. One little bird, who’s probably the cutest little bird ever, has been raving about Portland’s The Online Romance. The name alone grabbed me.

The five-piece “chamber pop” band has always centered around vocalist Jack Saturn (I pray that’s his real name …), who’s enlisted an equally talented and attractive group of musicians over the years to help him break through the dreary clouds of the Pacific Northwest with sunny indie pop. Think falsetto soaring over Hammond organ and wispy guitar strums. Mmm hmm.

The Online Romance has only a 7-inch and a pair of out-of-print demo tapes on their musical resumé, but they’ve been receiving a lot of buzz up north, and are currently working on their first full-length set for an early 2008 release.

I read that they even do a cover of Madonna’s “Borderline” … which excites me more than you can possibly ever imagine.

Start your own online romance here:, and pay close attention to “hey Abraham.”

I kissed Paul Stanley!
I’ve recently learned that I have mono … not from a doctor, mind you, but from a mysterious new blog that has recently popped up called A Chico Life. The blog is loaded with over-the-top rumors about local bands and scenesters—all of which are, of course, absolutely true. Although I thought everybody knew that Jason Cassidy likes The Boss.

Well … I have a rumor of my own! I have a strong suspicion that the blog’s author, Hey Juan, likes to do heavy metal crosswords and strike B-Boy poses on cue. Oh, and just to clarify—I did get it from Paul Stanley … that and so much more!

Read all about these, as well as little nuggets about The Shankers and Handsome Gorgeous at About as much fun a time-waster as reading this column!