Days of Lore

Dicks and boxes … in a box; and a friendly reader of the column gives his two cents (plus postage)

Our little Lamb

Our little Lamb

Dickin’ around By now everyone and their mother (well, hopefully not their mother, and I hope to hell not my mother) have seen the video for “Dick in a Box,” the Saturday Night Live music clip featuring Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake that premiered on the show back in December.

I’ve watched it far too many times and have since got the song stuck in my head—not the most appropriate words to be singing on the street or in the office. (“Ummm … I don’t know, Evan, why I just said, ‘Put your junk in that box’ … ”)

The viral video follows the success of SNL’s “Lazy Sunday” skit (which also featured Samberg) and has been on and off YouTube ever since (it goes back up just as quickly as NBC yanks it for copyright infringement), tallying up some 11 million hits as of this week.

For the three people who live under a rock, the video shows two creepy boy-band types as they offer up the gift of placing their cock-a-doodle-doos into a box for their girls. It sort of resembles one of those horrible early-’90s Color Me Badd videos, and even includes the spoken-word breakdown in the middle.

Pure genius … and definitely JT’s best work since “Rock Your Body.”

If you’re one of those aforementioned rock dwellers, check it out on YouTube … if it’s been taken down, just go back in an hour.

Bush league But why should women have all the fun of finding their beau’s genitalia placed ever-so-lovingly inside a cardboard box? Not fair, I say. But, there is an answer in the form of “Box in a Box,” which made its YouTube debut on Dec. 31, and has since become the second most-watched clip in the month of January.

This video features a slender brunette named “Bunny,” who dances around with a low-cut shirt and a box attached to her belt singing a heartfelt tune about how “Bush is ruining our country, but my bush has never lied / and Taco Bell might make you sick, but my taco’s certified.”

Not bad.

The Bunny in the video is actually 20-year-old Melissa Lamb, a sophomore at Penn State, but she’s not the voice behind the song. That belongs to Leah Kauffman, who wrote “Box in a Box” with some friends, but wasn’t featured in the video because she’s studying abroad in London (Kaufmann actually put out an album in 2005 called Folk and Fantasy).

Kaufmann’s “Box” might even be bigger than JT’s “Dick” (repeat that line one more time for me, please?). Both Kaufmann and Lamb were on Countdown with Keith Olbermann recently and will also appear on Extra this weekend.

I even read on the duo’s blog ( that there was a possible book in the works. I sent a few questions to Lamb, who has a snazzy MySpace page dedicated to her box in a box (, and she responded:

“Hey! Book is a long shot—but someone did write asking if we wanted to come up with a quick turn around ‘making of the video’ book. Would people buy it? Who knows.”

Come on, this is America … of course people will buy it.

Oh yeah, in case you were wondering, there is another video floating around out there called “Boobs in a Box.” Not R-rated, but watch at your own risk:

Letter bomb We received a letter from a notoriously obsessed fan about my column last week when I talked about Amanda Detmer and her role on the show What About Brian:

Amanda Detmer, Hollywood’s minute maid, the local stellar dwarf, deserves better treatment by your columnist.
The poor girl looks like she’s liable to kill someone, please don’t provoke her.
—Marvin Lucifer Thing
Chico, CA

I don’t have a response to that—I actually just wanted to see it in print … and show you what kind of people read my column. Take a long, hard look at yourself.