Lazy times

Twinkie kids

Twinkie kids

The future is bright yellow Welcome back to Chico, returning students. Let’s get lazy! This did not come from a Saturday Night Live spoof—this is for real. On the heels of the Snuggie and Pajama Jeans comes the ultimate symbol of totally giving up: Forever Lazy (visit for the commercial). Simply put, it’s a kid’s onesie, but for adults—“Just zip it, and get lazy!” What am I supposed to do with this? I feel like I should go on a rant about America’s squishy soul, all white and quivering and baked beyond recognition deep inside a yellowing cake of comfort. But I like Twinkies, so maybe I should just embrace the inevitable. It’s not the end of times, it’s the beginning of a shrink-wrapped future, where we (and our corporate guardians) are limited only by our ability to laser-focus all our imagination and ingenuity on our unending comfort.

Twinkie the Kid

With that in mind, it seems like the only thing that could top the security afforded by an adult-sized onesie would be an adult-sized womb. I’m thinking of something like a play fort, with walls made of body pillows, draped in Forever Lazys and Snuggies, with a shop vac piped in and attached to your privates to keep everything clean and dry. Throw a PlayStation 3 in there, and you could just pinch off your spinal cord and drool away the next several decades.

Then, you could take your “womb” and stick it inside an M1 Abrams tank to keep jealous hands away.

Then, you could drive your tank into one of those combo KFC/Pizza Hut/Taco Bells and you’d be able to indefinitely preservere (that’s a combo preserve/persevere).

All, in all it’s the perfect creation—kind of like a Turducken or, in this case, Tankombchickizzurrito (patent pending).

Crosby & Nash

Another stoney evening It’s time to air out your knitted poncho (a forebear of the Forever Lazy, maybe?) because Chico State’s Chico Performances just announced that Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of Fame members David Crosby and Graham Nash have been added to Laxson Auditorium’s spring schedule on Saturday, April 2. The co-founders of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young (as well as The Byrds and The Hollies, respectively) are out on tour as a duo, playing all the hits both acoustically and with a full band in support of the new record label they’ve started, Blue Castle Records. The first release (this March) will be a re-release of Another Stoney Evening, a 40-year-old live acoustic set by the duo. Tickets are on sale now. Visit for more info.

The past is just a good-bye In case you returning students are confused by all the strange names in the previous paragraph, no need to stop and ask why these two who are on the road are visiting your campus. Just know your parents love you and that they picked this recurring dream being played out yet again, and this hell will soon go by (slowly). Or, you could help the parents with your youth—feed them some of your dreams—and help them find the truth in something new before they die. The past, after all, is just a good-bye.

Stop the presses! Speaking of old dudes rolling into Chico; just before deadline Arts DEVO got word that none other than Ice Cube is coming our way as well—Tuesday, March 29, at the Senator Theatre. Chickity-check yo’ self.