Grasping this year

Well, the Brexit vote pretty much sealed the deal—2016 is The Year of The Yahoo! Usually, us semi-sane types can write off the gun-licking Yahoos of Yo-Yo City with the smug consolation that, OK, there’s some pretty dumb fuckin’ maroons out there in the Fruited Plain, but their numbers aren’t big enough to do any real damage. But now, after the rise of El Donaldo (really? This is as good as you got?), and the surprising masochistic dipshittedness of the Brexit vote, everybody’s wondering just how big this deranged demographic has become. And who’s been teaching these kooks how to vote?

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I keep seeing polls showing 15-20 percent of Bernie supporters would rather vote for Don than Hill. OK, whoa, whoa, whoa there, little dogie. Bernie people, I feel your pain and disappointment. Hell, I’m with you. I honestly can say that Bernie may have been the best candidate ever, and his timing was excellent. If ever a country was desperate for a Yankee Socialist, it’s US. I again remind you of the horribly gross statistic that corrodes our socio-economo foundation these days—that the one percent control 40 percent of the country’s wealth. Conversely, the lower 80 percent control a mere seven percent of the assets of America. It can be safely assumed that most, if not all, of our economic problems, especially those dealing with stagnant wages, stem directly from this obscene reality. And it became very obvious to millions of Americans in the last months that Bernie was the guy to deal with this mutation and get this insane greedhogging top-heavy reality corrected in a more egalitarian and middle class-friendly direction.

It’s now clear Bernie ain’t gonna be the nominee. OK, bummer. I get the disappointment in the Sanders camp. But to say that you can’t stand Hillary to the point of actually VOTING FOR FUCKING TRUMP IS WAY TOO WEIRD FOR ME TO PROCESS! DOES NOT COMPUTE!!! TILT! TILT! TILT!

I mean, come on. You do realize that switching from Sanders to Trump is like switching from recycling magazines and beer bottles to clear-cutting a virgin forest of old growth redwoods to print up programs for the Miss Universe Wet T-Shirt contest. By being so totally pissy about Bernie losing to Hillary that you’re gonna express that pissiness by voting for a pussyhound real estate developer, you’re pretty much telling the world OK, I’m trading in my Prius for a giant Winnebago bus. That I’m gonna take my feverish, enthusiastic support for the man who was going to create national Medicare, fight for the middle class, and rain green hellfire upon the execrable plutocrats who now own Congress, and instead throw that thoughtful and idealistic support to the most shameless, shallow, self-shucking con artist plutocrat imaginable.

In other words, it’s about as disingenuous as it gets. I’m expecting greatly improved poll numbers surrounding this strange bullshit by the end of July.