Reef denialism ahead
I’ve got the first Dem anti-Don TV spot ready to go, and I offer it now, free of charge, to the appropriate ad agency. In fact, this one is such obvious, low-hanging fruit that I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody at Democratic National HQ has this one in the can and ready to roll. It’s a nice, tidy, 30-second spot with a split screen throughout. On the left side, we see the Trumpster, raving on about The Wall and mass deportations and Egypt 804 being blown up by terrorists—with the cause of that disaster still a complete mystery—and Lyin’ Ted and Little Marco and so on and so forth. You know, Trump raving at full volume, and we should probably make sure to get some clips showing spittle in the corners of his mouth, and maybe even some nice high-def shots of spittle being launched from his piehole as he raves. You know, nothing better than flying spittle to portray unstable, disturbing thought processes.
On the right side of the screen, we see a button. A big red button. And after we listen to Don blaring and bloviating for about 15 seconds, an ominous Voice says, in a low, menacing rumble, “OK, let’s be serious. Do you really want this guy anywhere near this button?” We then put Trump back up for five more seconds so we can hear him uncork an appropriate coup de grace of crazed rants, and then the Voice returns. “Didn’t think so.”
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Weirdly enough, other news is happening around the world, in spite of our self-infatuation with our politics. For example, it’s been shown lately that in the gigantically wondrous Great Barrier Reef of Australia, the largest structure on the planet that’s been built by living things—until, of course, Trump builds The Wall—large sections have been bleached and killed off by a lethal one-two punch of human-caused oceanic warming and the warmed up waters from this year’s El Niño. This is most disturbing and unwelcome news, because if we manage to kill off the astonishing coral reefs of our fantastic planet, Gaia will have no choice but to throw a penalty flag on us. And at that point, I’m not so sure there’s a legal team on the planet that could get Humanity off. The killing of our coral reefs will be a monstrous crime for which any kind of leniency or mercy will be unthinkable and utterly undeserved.
Which is why when that new alien invasion flick starts in a couple weeks (Independence Day—POS), I’ll be pulling for the creepy aliens. Please? Could the aliens kill us off just once?
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OK, so the Warriors are on the verge of obliterating the Cavs, the Sharks are in their first Stanley Cup final, and the Giants are obviously gonna win the NL West again and, wow, it’s just a very, very special time to be a Bay Area sports fan.
