With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy

If you always wear your American flag lapel pin but keep your copy of the Constitution in the sock drawer, you might be a statist.

If you think you need the male-dominated government to force your male boss to provide you with birth control, you might be a statist.

If you don’t believe in population control but think we should worry that immigrants have too many babies, you might be a statist.

If you do believe in population control, you might be a statist.

If you believe we should censor speech because it could offend someone, you might be a statist.

If you believe that prosecuting a mother and separating her from her newborn child because she used drugs during pregnancy is the moral thing to do, you might be a statist.

If you are OK with government programs paid for through fear and intimidation because you think government does good things (that nobody else could), you might be a statist.

If you think taxes are the price we pay for civilization, but never consider that taxes are the penalty for being uncivilized, you might be a statist.

If you rail against sexism and believe the sexes should be equal, but you will vote for Hillary because she’s a woman, you might be a statist.

If you’re afraid that anyone whose political opinions are outside of the Hillary Clinton to John Boehner spectrum could be an extremist, you might be a statist.

If you think that government should require warning labels on food but not on new laws, you might be a statist.

If you don’t know that farming and driving a cab are more dangerous occupations than law enforcement, you might be a statist.

If you believe that expanding health insurance coverage is the solution, not the problem, you might be a statist.

If you think the proper role for a Congressman is to bring home the bacon to his district, not protect the rights of his constituents, you might be a statist.

If you don’t understand that putting very high taxes on cigarettes will make it harder for poor people to get them and thereby cause a criminal black market, you might be a statist.

If you pass laws banning or taxing e-cigarettes simply because they look like regular cigarettes you might be a statist.

If you don’t believe a dying man in pain should get morphine because he could become addicted, you might be a statist.

IF you think its all right for the TSA to grope and leer at you because you actually believe they keep you safe, you might be a statist.

If you’re sure corporations are greedy, but never think a constantly growing indebted unaccountable incorporated government is greedy, you might be a statist.

If you really believe we should stop corporations from locating in other countries to avoid taxes because “we all rise and fall together,” you might be a statist.

If you believe that those working or consuming in the new legal state marijuana industry should not be allowed their full Second Amendment rights to self defense, you might be a statist.

If you attend a Church of the Military Jesus true Republican America the Indispensable cult, you might be a statist.

If you never wonder why postal delivery, UPS, FedEx, meter readers and door-to-door salesman seem to get along with the family dog, but policemen feel the need to shoot them, you might be a statist.

If you can’t understand how you can be pro worker but anti-union, you might be a statist.