Why the restroom is called the head

“John Edwards is continuing his ‘Poverty Tour’ around America. Today he visited with a group of people who get their hair cut at a place called ‘a barber shop.’ He was horrified at their stories.”

—Jay Leno, The Tonight Show

By now you’ve probably heard of Larry Craig. He’d be the conservative Republican senator from the great state of Idaho who pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct. (He was apparently soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in a Minneapolis airport restroom.) Lest you think he was set up by Democrat trickery, he was one of 41 arrests reported during a four-month sting seeking out, well, perverts who think soliciting sex in a public restroom is an acceptable form of human behavior.

In the roughly 1,000 public appearances since, Craig has a) apologized for his actions, b) insisted he had done nothing wrong, c) regretted pleading guilty, and d) indicated he might try to withdraw his guilty plea.

Oh yes, and he has also insisted that he is not gay.

In other news, the sky is purple. (Although to quote singer Paula Abdul: “The word and the deed go hand in hand.”)

Of course, his arrest and subsequent plea has lauded him “conservative hypocrite of the year” by our left-leaning friends, and some are absolutely giddy over his resignation from the United States Senate.

Some of his voting record might be apropos:

• In September 1996, he voted “yes” on the prohibition of same-gender marriage.

• In June 2000, he voted “no” on adding sexual orientation to the definition of hate crimes.

• In June 2002, he again voted “no” on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation.

• In June 2006, he again voted “yes” on a constitutional ban against same-gender marriage.

Here was our own local left-leaning friend in our metropolis’s local daily. “On balance, I think, Craig’s departure is good for the Senate and good for the country. But it will be a bright day when we get rid of people like that for what they do in public office and not what they do in private.”

That’s a statement I would find completely comical, were it not so pathetically obtuse.

And it leads me to ask, how can one consider soliciting anyone in a public restroom a private enterprise?

More to the point, why should I expect someone who’s a pervert in private to be an otherwise honorable man in public? I mean, if one who has promised to love, honor and cherish his wife would cheat on her in private, why should I expect he’d be an honorable public servant? (For reference, see President Bill Clinton and the “what’s done in private should remain in private” crowd.)

To be sure, men hooking up with other men in public isn’t a new phenomenon. A July 2004, Reno Gazette-Journal article reported that 13 men were cited in park sex stings for doing just that. (Funny. Whatever happened to the idea that gay people just want to get married, settle down and enjoy the rights the rest of us heteros have?) Or perhaps “hooking up” in a public restroom is just so much more alluring?

Before the calls begin to pour in about my perceived “homophobia,” recognize I don’t give a rip about Craig’s sexual orientation—or anyone else’s for that matter. But when it’s in public, I have a problem with it.

More importantly and perhaps a fair warning: Solicit me in a public restroom and expect swift and blinding violence as a result. And that perhaps brings me back to Leno.