Why not a Reagan Rodeo?

I know I speak for all right-thinking Americans when putting forth the hope that this royal reach of an idea ends up in a bucket of shark chum off the Korean coast. Do we really want our delightful 10-spot adorned with the picture of the old crank who enthusiastically endorsed the MX missile system (remember that Nevada-based “nukes on rails” turkey that was so lame even hard-boiled Reagan supporters had to wonder just what exactly might be lurking in their fearless leader’s medicine cabinet, before he finally killed the plan) and then created the even more wild-eyed Star Wars defense program (which will, when all is said and done, shoot down exactly zero-zilch-nada missiles, at a price tag that will keep the Pentagon’s janitors in Olympic-sized swimming pools for the next century).

The Reagan-on-the-10 advocates (ROTT) say it’s time to overthrow Alexander Hamilton, that Alex has been on the 10 for about 80 years now, and hey, the guy was never even a president. Well, OK, true, but he was a Founding Father, and even the most rabid Reaganite has to admit: If there’s one thing in America more roundly revered than our presidents, it’s a bona fide and semi-sacred F.F. And besides, A.H. has that old-school, wigged-out hairdo that somehow does much to make a man “currency-worthy.” Ron, on the other hand, would be the first guy on a bill to have used Grecian Formula products, which would be a little weird.

Therefore, to placate the backers of ROTT, another honorarium should be prepared as a deflective strategy. It’s not enough, I guess, that their guy already has his name plastered on a huge, important airport. “Hell,” ROTT supporters would say, “Bush the First has that.” They will need something more, something even larger, something unique. But what? You sure as hell couldn’t change the name of a national park to honor a man who once said, “You’ve seen one giant redwood, you’ve seen them all.” Or was it a sequoia? I forget, but the point being that ole Ron just wasn’t the kind of president who worried a lot about trees and rivers and frogs and park stuff. And though the Gipper loved his horses and ranches, ROTTsters won’t be impressed with “The Ronald Reagan Memorial Rodeo.”

So if a park is out, and a rodeo too trite, which way to go? Well, there is something looming on the horizon, a project of a gigonderous nature that could be the perfect way to cool off the ROTT supporters. It’s a project that became law in ’82, during Ron’s first term, and was then boiled down during his second term to become our very own ultra-hot potato.

So what the heck? Since this nine-digit rascal has a real connection with Prez 40, why not name it “The Ronald Reagan Nuclear Repository at Yucca Mountain?”