White Noise

Rated 1.0 Until I saw White Noise, I thought EVP stood for Eat Vitamins Profusely, basically because I like to make things up. It amuses me. Anyway, I was wrong, because it apparently stands for Electronic Voice Phenomena, having to do with folks over in the spirit world communicating with the living through radios, computers, toasters, etc. The film starts with a quote from Thomas Edison, saying something along the lines of “I’m sure this sort of thing is possible,” and it must be, for Edison was the Man of Dreams. Whatever. White Noise wants to be profoundly scary, but it’s just an excuse for jarring noises, ghosts in the television yet again, and Michael Keaton getting all squinty-eyed. The scares are few and far between, with the sort of shoddy writing that only seems to show up in January horror films.