Tyranny against girl bellies and boy thighs
As we cut to the modern age, we find that things have slackened. It’s acceptable for kids of the new millennium to wear underwear to school, a development that dovetails nicely with the insistent, throbbing urge to constantly stimulate their infernally steaming gonads. It also gives insight as to how much high-quality reefer the parents of today’s students have consumed over the last 35 years.
Lately, though, there have been rumbles of dress code discontent. School officials have noticed that current codes finally may have been stretched too thin, that an overload of visible belly flesh may be interfering with the job at hand. Their antennas first began to tingle when they noticed that 44 percent of the book reports turned in by high-school boys last year were on books about women with bare midriffs (bios of the legends of beach volleyball were big), with a surprising 14 percent of those reports stemming from books concerned with the female lumbar dimple zone. Finally came the study that showed, alarmingly enough, that 100 percent of today’s high-school males would (a) refer to themselves as nymphomaniacs, and (b) fantasize about having an attractive counselor who is also a nymphomaniac.
So changes have been made, much to the chagrin of many high-schoolers who charge that a new era of fashion fascism is at hand. School officials say they just want to make sure that today’s high schools don’t start to look like swinger’s conventions. As a result, new rules have been instituted.
1. Girls wearing tank tops or other similar midriffian items must (a) take care that the visible flesh of bellies and backs be four inches or less, as measured from bottom of the blouse to the top of the pants-like garment, and (b) not be too fat.
2. Boys must insure that (a) the waist of their pants is at least one inch above the knee, and that (b) the garment worn between the true waist (as found above the hipbone) and the knee must sufficiently conceal every ingrown hair on the thigh.
So when is some local kid gonna recycle the pegged, skin-tight stretch-pants thing?