Twelve’s a crowd

Ocean’s Twelve

“Beam me up, Scotty. There’s no intelligent life here.”

“Beam me up, Scotty. There’s no intelligent life here.”

Rated 2.0

The second time around isn’t nearly as jaunty as the first with Ocean’s Twelve, a comedown from that initial mega-gathering of the movie gods. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Matt Damon and just about everybody else in Hollywood reconvene for what feels like a European vacation that required occasional acting by those who signed on. The actors don’t seem to have their hearts in it this time, and the results are sleepy.

It’s more than three years later. The band of thieves has split up, and each has gone about his or her business. Danny Ocean and Tess (Clooney and Roberts) are married, living a humdrum life and getting all anxious about paint shades for their modest home. A surprise visit from Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia), the casino mogul who was ripped off in Ocean’s Eleven, ruins their three-year anniversary plans. Benedict demands his money back, plus interest, and the Ocean gang immediately re-forms for more dirty work.

Right here, we have a problem. One of the great things about the original was the way Clooney’s Ocean went after Benedict, no matter what the consequences. It was also cool to see the cocky Benedict get his financial ass handed to him on a plate. All of that is trashed in the first few minutes of the sequel, as Benedict gets the upper hand, and Ocean essentially becomes his lapdog, immediately accepting the repayment terms and going to work for his nemesis. While this could’ve been fun, director Steven Soderbergh uses this weird twist of fate as nothing but a joyless plot mechanism to get the cast over to Europe.

The so-called caper that follows isn’t a lot of fun, either. Ocean and crew start their European tour in Amsterdam, where they rob somebody’s house (big deal), and then they wind up in Italy where they try to steal some majestic egg thing (ho-hum). All the while, they’re tailed by Interpol agent and former Pitt-character girlfriend Catherine Zeta-Jones. Any momentum the film manages to muster is lost when it focuses on the Zeta-Jones character. Her subplot is of little interest.

According to the Internet Movie Database, Ocean’s Twelve was originally intended as a Jon Woo movie featuring a completely different cast of characters. If this is true, it’s not surprising, because the setting and scenarios seem all wrong for the Ocean bunch. It was much more fun watching each character play an integral part in one big job in Ocean’s Eleven. Seeing them working on smaller, less elaborate heists isn’t all that enthralling, and the importance of each character is diminished. Characters played by Carl Reiner, Don Cheadle and Bernie Mac don’t even factor.

The film resorts to hit-and-miss sophomoric humor with most of the funnier lines falling on Damon’s earnest-but-dimwitted character. A scene where Julia Roberts has to pose as a famous actress has its charms in the beginning but becomes one giant, outlandish in-joke that just helps erode the film’s credibility. The last heist is banal and far-fetched. The movie would’ve been better if the gang had just stayed in Vegas and robbed the Barbary Coast.

This turkey ends an amazing streak of goodness for Clooney, who, in my opinion, hasn’t headlined a bad movie since 1997’s The Peacemaker. Watching him slum around in Italy with Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts just doesn’t seem reason enough for a movie, unless you like your movies strung out and way too relaxed. Nothing’s more annoying than actors coasting on their fandom, and that’s what seems to be going on with Ocean’s Twelve.