Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Rated 1.0

While this film is easily the most visually impressive of the three Transformers movies, it still falls victim to a terrible, overlong script and the tactless, undisciplined form of directing that marks the presence of the evil overlord of moviemaking, Michael Bay. First off, the humans in this movie suck. The robots are occasionally interesting, but every time they start doing something interesting, a human speaks and wrecks their mojo. There’s a final robot battle in Chicago that has some cool moments, including the Sears Tower on fire, but, again, some dumb human eventually talks and ruins the whole thing. Shia LaBeouf is continuing to plummet on the respectability scale, and just might turn into a current version of Billy Baldwin. (Hey, people thought he was a serious actor when he started. Now they just laugh at him. I’m laughing at Billy Baldwin right now.) Seriously, if they had cut this thing in half, told Shia to go screw, and gave Bay his methadone, this might’ve been worth watching. As it stands, it’s the usual Bay travesty.