Too much to watch

Back in the early ’90s, Bruce Springsteen released a very cool tune that we liked at the X. It was a total condemnation of cable TV called “57 Channels,” as in “57 channels and nothin’ on.”

Oh man, is that song outdated.

Because over the last 20 years, television has gone from being really lean on decent programming to being really loaded with all kinds of fab stuff. This transformation has been dramatic, amazingly so, to the point where I now, with rare exceptions, prefer watching my fave television shows instead of going to a movie. There are two main reason for this. (1) Modern television series, especially those on AMC, FX, HBO, and Showtime, are absolutely kickin' ass. (2) The movies are sucking Chees Whiz through a straw.

All these great series that are now flourishing on the idiot box! On AMC, you've got Mad Men, Breaking Bad, The Killing, and The Walking Dead. On FX there are Sons of Anarchy and The Americans. On HBO, Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, True Blood, Veep, and Treme. On Showtime, there's Homeland, which I've heard from many is just so freaking crazy good that it will make your head explode. If I left out your favorite series, sorry. There's too many for me to remember! But the new reality is not that there are 57 channels, and you've gotta look hard to find something halfway decent. The new reality is that you've got to pick your series carefully, because there's not enough time to watch all the good ones, unless you want to become a completely loathsome lumpy mottled couch spud.

I recently submitted. I ordered HBO. I did so for one reason—season 3 of Game of Thrones, which began its 10-show run on March 31. Now, this may not seem like a big deal, because really, it's not. My brother, who's as much a psycho for GOT as me, was puzzled. Why do I not already have HBO, he asked? He was all ready to jump on me for being a cheap bastard who wouldn't pay the 18 bucks a month, but when I said, “because they have too many good shows. It's dangerous. I just can't sit around and spend hours a day watching goddamn HBO,” he got it. “That's a really good reason,” he conceded, recognizing quickly that he could stand to get out of the house once in a while.

Notice what role the major networks are playing in this new Golden Age of Tube. The 3Z trifecta, baby—zippo, zilch and zero! The networks have been made irrelevant by the upstarts of cable (AMC, FX) and the premium players (HBO, Showtime), and now must make their way with the leftovers—tired sitcoms, tepid dramas, and flaccid flapdoodle about Z-list celebrities jumpin' off a high dive.