We do an April Fools’ issue on a semi-regular annual basis, basically when we remember April Fools’ Day and haven’t planned something else, or gotten too tired to be funny.
But readers can pretty much count on us to see many sources of material when the Nevada Legislature is in session. This time is no exception, but not for the usual reasons. This year, our legislators’ spirit of bipartisanship, cooperation and courage has earned our respect, honor and thanks more than at any time since the Reno News & Review came into existence in February 1995.
We would like to congratulate our lawmakers for showing their fiscal responsibility and setting aside their ideological penchants. Real problems, like an unstable tax base, deserve real solutions. Nevada legislators, from us and all Nevadans, thank you for having the courage to take care of the problems now, instead of kicking the can down the road for future, less desperate times.
We’d also like to congratulate our legislators for not obscuring the state’s real problems of fiscal crises with made-up issues like the necessity of banning other languages from political discussion—essentially pitting English-speaking folks against those people, primarily of duskier hues, who exercise their First Amendment rights in languages other than the Queen’s tongue. We know you care about the U.S. Constitution, and you’d never sacrifice your beliefs in the law of the land for some political points with your racist constituents. For that, and for all you do to protect the rights of the regular people, thank you.
In the areas of education and education funding, we’d like to be the first to shake your hands for preserving—no, elevating—the quality of instruction both in the K-12 and higher education categories. In study after study, Nevadans show the quality of the skills they’ve developed in our schools. Of course, in many places around the country that spend more money and do better in standardized testing, those citizens also give the gratitude to the legislators who are wise enough to know a dollar spent now on education is money in future bank accounts—both for the students and the state. On the other hand, in less educated places—really ignorant places—instead of congratulating legislators, those poor bastards must blame teachers. For not passing the responsibility onto one of the hardest-working class of government workers, we’d like to raise a glass to you. In fact, in our spare time as we wait for businesses to move here who’d employee workers with Nevadans’ quality of training, we’ll raise thousands of glasses to you. Monday through Friday, every hour of the day and night, we’ll be raising our glasses. Cheers.
And finally, again with your eyes toward fiscal responsibility and courage, we’d like to pat legislators on the back for having the vision to diversify our tax structure by instituting reasonable new taxes. Like many Nevadans who, through their own fault, found themselves forced to bring more income into the home just to pay debts, you’ve figured out so many new sources of revenue: legalizing and taxing recreational marijuana, legalizing and taxing same-sex marriage, taxing corporate profits, increasing taxes on foreign mine owners.
Really, Nevada Legislators, we really owe you one. Your courage will be remembered, and the fruits of your valor will be enjoyed by your and our families for many years.