The water wall

You know, I was gonna go back to the old style Neon Babylon column this week, go back to those slaphappy days when I would write about hot springs and Super Blooms and all that swell stuff. I really was. I spent last week in delightful Lone Pine, and it was freakin’ fantastic. (The weather there so much nicer and warmer than ours. The Southern Sierra was just awesome in its snowy splendor, and Lone Pine now is a free wi-fi town! The entire town! Great idea! Reno, do this immediately!)

And then, I checked my Twitter home page. Big mistake. Buh-bye, Lone Pine! Because President Dum Dum completely derailed my Pollyann-ish mojo when he upchucked the following: “The Wall is a very important tool in stopping drugs from pouring into our country and poisoning our youth (and many others)! If the wall is not built, which it will be, the drug situation will NEVER be fixed the way it should be!” (Yes, I follow Trump on Twitter. You bet I do. Gotta get my lies fresh!)

First response? The now standard “You Fucking Asshole” (YFA). Second? Jesus, Twitler, you stupid POS, you think there are just squadrons of people with backpacks filled with crank and coke hiking across the border every day in remote sections of Arizona and Texas? People who will be thwarted once and for all and curse your name forever when you build your big dumbass Wall of Moronia? Do you have any goddamn clue whatsoever as to how drugs actually get into America?

Well, lots of dope just drives right on in, through places like Tijuana, Nogales, El Paso and Laredo, places that, last I checked, weren’t slated to be walled off by the Wall of Stupido. Yes, Border agents catch a lot of drugs at those checkpoints. Do you have any idea how many smugglers they don’t catch? Me neither. But I do know the cartels have boatloads of cash, and it seems safe to say there’s no shortage of folks who are willing to give it a shot for a big payday. And hey, there just may be a customs agent or two who’s open to the occasional five-digit “overtime” bonus, as well. Ya think?

Speaking of boatloads, here’s a quote from Admiral Chris Tomney of the U.S. Coast Guard, from a BBC report in 2015—“Well over 95 percent of the drugs are moving on the water via container ships, pleasure boats, sail boats, and fishing boats” (italics mine). Question, President YFA. How exactly will the Wall of Imbecilica put a stop to these smugglers?