The un-mandate

On Thanksgiving morning, I, as a member of PUP (the Psychedelic Utopian Party, executive director the esteemed and honorable Wavy Gravy), received an email from Jill Stein, asking for a donation so that the expenses of filing for an official recount in Wisconsin could be met and the process could move forward. I quickly coughed up 50 bucks, in hopes that, if nothing else, I could be part of a nation-wide movement to prank and irritate the P.E. (Pendejo-Elect).

It now appears, as of this Nov. 28, our effort was not in vain, that we apparently provoked our P.E. into a boffo new Twitterstorm that reminds us all afresh that this guy is an impetuous, bitchy, lyin’ saccashit without equal. Which means I got a most satisfactory return on my $50 investment!

But gee, what if the P.E. is right? What if millions of Americans did vote illegally? Shouldn’t such fraud be exposed as soon as possible? We Americans, as citizens living in God’s favorite country in the history of the Universe, have a sacred duty to make sure that our precious elections are pure and totally untainted with scandal, yes? And, hey, P.E., don’t forget, dude, it was you who, over the last two months, kept constantly haranguing us poor dumb plebes about how the election was rigged, how the system was rigged, how everything was rigged against you. OK, so guess what? You convinced us. Yes, Payaso Naranja, you, in your super persuasive, super loud abbloviations finally won us over—the system is rigged. So what’s the first line of defense? You got it, homey. Recounts. I mean, OMG, if millions of Americans voted illegally, how many of them were in—Wisconsin? Michigan? Pennsylvania? Please forgive us, Future Pardoner of Thanksgiving Turkeys. Let us have our little recount. Let us be crybabies. Let us put off “getting over it.” If you were smart, P.E., you would sit back right now in your NYC Ivory Tower and STFU. But we all know that approach just ain’t in your playbook.

In the meantime, we see that as of Nov. 28, Hillary’s lead in the national popular vote has grown past the 2 million mark, to a rather amazing 2.2 mill. She now has received 48.2 percent of the vote, compared to the P.E.’s 46.5 percent. This has become an election without precedent in the 240-year history of the United States. Say what you will, P.E., and by all means, tweet what you will. Your twitter tantrums are Da Bomb! But please, don’t you dare use the word “mandate.” Ever. You wouldn’t know a mandate if he came up and grabbed you by the nuts