The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Rated 1.0

Somebody needs to buy actress Kristen Stewart an ice cream cone with sprinkles and cheer her somber ass up. The young actress, who has turned in good work elsewhere, is totally killing these movies with her sullen, hyperventilating lovesick routine. The Twilight Saga: New Moon is actually better than its predecessor, Twilight: Suck Ass!, but still not good enough to recommend. Much of the blame rests squarely on the supple shoulders of Stewart, who seems miserable to be a part of the whole thing. Robert Pattinson doesn’t help matters much as Edward the moping vampire, who spends most of the film off screen. Taylor Lautner as Jacob the cuddly werewolf has a moment or two that isn’t awful, and that’s just about the best thing I can say about the film.