It’s been over two decades since author Steve Alten released his big shark story Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror, the first of many Meg books. From the moment the first book hit stands, producers have been attempting to make a movie out of it. Many directors have flirted with making the movie, including Jan de Bont, Guillermo del Toro and, as recently as 2015, Eli Roth. The property eventually ended up under the directorial guidance of one Jon Turtletaub, the guy who made Cool Runnings, the National Treasure movies and, wait for it, 3 Ninjas. The result? A movie as misguided, sloppy and boring as you would expect from the guy who directed 3 Ninjas. Let’s just get the obvious problem out of the way good and early in this review. The Meg is rated PG-13, and probably could’ve pulled a PG. This is not a horror film. It’s an undersea adventure with a big, messy CGI shark and sci-fi twist. Roth left the project because they wouldn’t let him gore it up, and they wouldn’t let him star as deep-sea diver/adventurer Jonas Taylor. Instead, we get Jason Statham as Jonas, and hardly any need for makeup artists on the set due to a supreme lack of bloodletting. Heck, E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial had more bloodletting in it when Elliot pricked his finger on that saw blade. Like I said, this thing could be PG. And let’s be very clear, Jaws, the mother of all shark movies—and the greatest movie ever made, thank you very much—had a SHIT TON of bloodletting, and it was PG. It also had nudity, and a constantly palpable sense of dread. Come to think of it, how the hell did Jaws get away with a PG rating? Oh, the times have changed.