The list list 2015

Rooms in my house that are waiting for somebody else to clean them

Living room

Dining room

Kitchen

Entryway

Downstairs bathroom

Media room

Boy's bedroom

Guest bedroom

Boy's bathroom

Our bedroom

Our bathroom

When I am king

Celebrity impersonators are prohibited from describing their acts as “tributes”

People who judge Islam by its most extreme figures will be judged by the most extreme Christian figures.

In distracted driving cases, an affirmative defense is allowed when unnecessary government signage was the cause.

The Democrats are barred from claiming they solved the health care crisis by throwing the country back into the arms of the insurance companies.

Parks will be grass, trees, picnic tables, playgrounds—not concrete or gravel (note Wingfield Park and Mapes site)

Makeup

Hair clips

Garbage

Headphones

Wallet

Sharpies

Horse treats

A lone earring

Vitamins, which always just look like a handful of loose pills if they're in a crazy person's bag

Wadded-up defensive driving paperwork

Shame

First 10 random words to pop in my head

Balloon

Vagina

Epicurean

Hostility

Albatross

Red

Counter-Reformation

Nose

Handjob

Spaceship

Stupid shit I say

Well, to be honest …

How do I …

How do you spell …

Did you already …

Let's just have one …

I remember specifically …

Five beverages I need to help me wake up every morning

5. Coffee

4. Coffee

3. Coffee

2. Coffee

1. Water

What's hidden in and on my desk at the RN&R

Beef jerky

A can of soup that looks, tastes and is labeled almost exactly like dog food (“sirloin burger with country vegetables”)

Headphones

A big Hefty bag in case I get fired

Feminine products

Paperweight from my dear friend Rick. He'd give me shit if I knew how emotional I am about it.

Advil

Xanax

Tweezers

Concealer

Jolly Ranchers

Camera

Stupid shit people say to me

Let's just have one.

You won't believe this, but …

You need to …

I tried.

 

Fine Andy Griffith performances that aren’t Mayberry or Matlock.

What It Was, Was Football  (Capitol Records LP 1953)

A Face in the Crowd (Warner Bros. 1957)

No Time for Sergeants (Warner Bros. 1958)

Waitress (Fox 2007)

“Waitin' on a Woman” (Brad Paisley music video 2008)

All you need to pack for most warm, non-camping vacations of any length

A couple pairs of fast-drying pants or shorts

A few shirts

All-day shoes that won't look dumb in a restaurant or temple or something

Band-Aids, if the shoes are new

A women's money belt. These are often the most comfortable, even if you're a dude.

A week's worth of socks and unders

A convertible dress, if you like that sort of thing

Swimsuit/swimsuit bottoms that double as shorts

Something that'll work as a clothesline

Money for detergent (this is key), food, lodging, gear rentals and any souvenirs. Plan to find one really badass souvenir rather than 10 little cheap ones.

Pills, CPAP machine, or whatever else keeps you alive

Toiletries. Pack light and plan to buy more, especially overseas (foreign grocery stores are fun).

ID/passport

A big shopping bag you can wad up into something tiny

An empty spray bottle to fill with water, for de-wrinkling clothes

Phone and charger, if only for the phone's camera

Reading material, preferably downloaded

Cash for whatever you've forgotten

 

Reno's best buildings

260 Island Avenue/Medical Arts Building

825 California Avenue/Residence

209 West First Street/First Methodist Church

 

The best movie credits

Three to Tango

My Best Friend's Wedding

Footloose (1984 version)

The Secret of Santa Vittoria

 

Things I think about when having sex

Does this count as steps on my Fitbit?

Sex

What do I need to do tomorrow?

Who's making that noise?

What's that gunfire on the movie?

Don't yawn. Don't yawn. Don't yawn.

Food

Gotta pee

Everyone I've ever slept with

Just kidding

My favorite meals dining out in Reno so far in 2015

9. Dinner at Bertha Miranda's

8. Wing night at Pub & Sub

7. Lunch at India Kabab & Curry

6. Lunch at Sup

5. Dinner at Granite Street Eatery

4. Lunch at Thai Chili

3. Dinner at Centro

2. Dinner from the late night menu at Golden Flower

1. Dinner at Gaman Ramen

To do list for Feb. 19

Write lists

Edit stories

Work on issue plans

Work on music transcriptions for my thesis project

Finish class readings

Cultural studies seminar at 4 p.m.

Band practice at 7:30 p.m.

The last 13 albums I listened to

Steely Dan: Aja

Hüsker Dü: New Day Rising

Daft Punk: Random Access Memories

Waylon Jennings: Honky Tonk Heroes

Curtis Mayfield: Curtis

Parquet Courts: Light Up Gold

John McLaughlin: Extrapolation

Steely Dan: Katy Lied

Morphine: Like Swimming

Curtis Mayfield: Super Fly

Queen: A Night at the Opera

Sleater-Kinney: No Cities to Love

Brian Eno & Karl Hyde: High Life

An incoming Texan's favorite things about the Reno area, apart from Tahoe and the mountains, which are obviously badass

Jeans, hoodies and the shared understanding that no one's wearing high heels to work. This is huge, y'all.

Genuine friendliness toward strangers

Horses, quail and other desert critters

The fact that marijuana isn't demonized, that prostitution and gambling are legal, and that grown-ass adults are treated with a modicum of respect. One more reason to raise kids here.

Gay marriage

Our relative utopia of an airport

Loulu's

The Nevada Museum of Art

Achingly beautiful classic cars

Regular, sensible cars being driven until they're old. This doesn't happen everywhere.

All sorts of kids on skateboards. Even girls.

Pyramid Lake, in all its eerie purple emptiness. I went to Iceland once, and swear it feels a helluva lot like Pyramid. Both places will leave you speechless, but one of them is right up the road.

Great lines

“As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”

“His father's one of those Nithulanians south of town.”

“When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.”

“Circus Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday nights if the Nazis had won the war.”

“Going to college must do something to girls' tits, I swear.”

Top vices

Worrying

Fretting

Lamenting

Procrastinating

Loathing

Bitching

Moaning

Hissing

Queso-ing. (Blend 32 oz. melted Velveeta, a tube's worth of browned breakfast sausage, a rinsed can of black beans and an un-drained can of Ro-Tel. Serve with lime-flavored tortilla chips and a dollop of sour cream. Eat the whole thing at 3 a.m. Cry.)