The die is cast

I’m now of the mindset that I really don’t have to watch any more of the continual election jive going down on the big basic news channels, namely MSLSD, Fux and the Clinton News Network (that last one a classic diss from the 1990s my old man favored). I can check out any time I want because, honestly, I already know and have known for many months what I’m going to do in November, so why exactly do I need to subject myself to the daily breathlessness of 37 correspondents hairsplitting the latest bizarro developments involving Donald Cruz’s position on transgender urinals or Hillary Sanders’ emails to hedge fund hedonists?

It’s not exactly news that the chances are quite good that I’ll vote in November for the person with the “D” after his/her name. Indeed, the possibility that I would vote for any other candidate for president this year is pretty much the same as the possibility that Martians will land on the White House lawn with a really great new diet plan.

There are two reasons why, in the end, I, as always, gotta roll with the D team. One, I find the Democratic President to be historically inclined to not blunder into a disastrous moronic war (and let’s just not mention Vietnam). And even better, they seem to be less inclined to start a disastrous moronic war, and again, uh, Viet Who? (You know, back then, everybody was all high and wasted on that doggone Domino Theory, and that bullshit just messed up the crazy baldheads, big time. Hey, man, it was the ’60s! I mean, that ultra-paranoid Domino Theory was to our foreign policy what a gas mask bong is to a job interview. (Laremy Tunsil, my man!)

So OK, Reason One, I just feel less vulnerable to insane mistakes of aggressive violence with a Dem in Da Casa Blanco. Yes, I’m a peacenik. You gotta problem with that? And Reason Two is simply that a Dem President is not, repeat not, going to be embarrassed by—gulp—siding with science.

It’s disturbing as hell to watch Republican candidates get all fidgety and squirmy when someone asks if they support some completely proven and well established scientific situation, and I’m not even thinking here about climate change. For some mutton-headed reason, Republicans always want to side with the maroons who think that the Earth is 6,000 years old and that Noah really did collect rhinos and spiders and tapeworms and put ’em all on a real big boat.

And I’m sorry, but here in the 21st century, a twitchy suspicious phobia of science, knowledge, and intelligence is a sure sign that we’re dealing with a bunch of dopes, a bunch of dopes who are a lot more dangerous, in terms of making stupid, ill-informed decisions, than any democratic socialist—or a zippity-doo-dah dude wearing a pot smogged gas mask.