The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Rated 2.0

This big-budget adaptation of the C.S. Lewis Sunday school lesson is bloated, bland, boring stuff. Four London children are sent to an estate during WWII to escape the bombings, and the youngest (Georgie Henley) discovers a mystical world in back of the proprietor’s fur coat closet. Her siblings eventually join her in the land of Narnia, where an array of creatures prance about in a truly non-enchanting sort of way. Jesus, I mean Aslan the Lion, reigns supreme and is voiced by a seemingly disinterested Liam Neeson. The film is violent and just a little creepy. While Henley is quite good in her role, none of the others match her charisma. Tilda Swinton is especially mundane as the White Witch, a baddie who shouts and scowls a lot. The visuals aren’t all that impressive, and the soundtrack is pretty awful. As you might be able to tell, I didn’t think it had many redeeming qualities. What the hell is Turkish Delight, anyway?