The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Rated 2.0

I’m getting a little tired of movies where Jesus is a lion. There was the first Chronicles of Narnia, The Lion King (Simba is a sort of messiah, isn’t he?) and the much revered I Was There at Golgotha When They Crucified My Lord … and He Was a Big-Assed Lion! This second film of the biblically themed children’s adventure series is most certainly better than the first. (My problem with The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe: too much lion, not enough wardrobe.) The kids journey back to Narnia, which has become a much darker place where the trees just don’t dance anymore. They are there to help one Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes) become king. Big distraction: The accent Barnes employs has him sounding a lot like Mandy Patinkin in The Princess Bride. (I kept expecting him to say, “My name is Inigo Montoya … you killed my father, prepare to die.”) The effects and battle sequences are often impressive, but the movie needed more of Tilda Swinton’s Ice Witch. She’s only in it for, like, five minutes! The young actress with the impossibly large lips who plays Susan gets on my nerves. I know that’s petty, but it’s true.