The big finale

For now. The bummer part is that I’ve never had so much writing latitude before.

Yeah, you’re gonna miss being able to go from dead serious to seriously goofy in print on a regular basis.

I know, but I can’t meet deadlines and GOOTRWEEF at the same time.

Of course not. That would be impossible. Silly to even think about it … what’s GOOTRWEEF?

Going Out On The Road Without Ever Ever Flying. Didn’t you get the memo?

I’m waiting for the video.

It’s simple. Flying sucks. I mean that literally. It sucks all the fun out of seeing new places and entertaining new people. It wears you out. It kills the joy. Flying between comedy gigs is the only thing that keeps an on-the-road comic from having the greatest job on Earth. So from now on, I’m GOOTRWEEF.

“Going Out On The Road Without Ever Ever Flying.” Great, except how do you get back and forth across the country? Drive?

Exactly.

You’re joking.

Not for this kind of money.

But that means you can’t play as many clubs and make as much money.

Don’t give a rat’s ass. I’m a quality-of-life guy.

And what about Reno? Just turning your back and marching away, are ya?

Not at all. But there’s a good reason to go on the road for a while. I’m sick of watching this town get raped and looted by Jeff Griffin and those puppet City Council lap-dogs of his: Doyle, Hascheff and Aiazzi … talk about a revolting cartoon trifecta …

Don’t hold back; say what you really think.

What I really think is that Reno is its own worst enemy. Our apathetic, too-lazy-to-vote population is what allows a chiseling mayor, I suspect (although I can’t prove it), to make secret deals with future contractors for the Trench That Nobody Wants.

How do you …?

Don’t be naïve. Look at Griffin’s past performance. You think nobody made a score on the Empty Movie Theater That Nobody Wants?

But …

I’m not through ranting, dammit. Our apathetic, too-lazy-to-vote population is what allows Griffin and his Three Stooges to refuse to let the people of Reno vote on whether or not they want to go into endless debt by paying for the Trench That Nobody Wants. Are you getting it? GRIFFIN, HASCHEFF, AIAZZI AND DOYLE REFUSED TO ALLOW THE PEOPLE OF RENO TO VOTE. Is anybody listening?

Say something positive, will you? I’m getting depressed.

Toni Harsh and Jessica Sferrazza-Hogan. Bless their brave hearts. And Dave Rigdon, too, for standing up to Griffin & The Griffettes.

You haven’t mentioned Charles McNeely.

I don’t want to ruin your lunch. It’s clear that McNeely cares absolutely nothing about Reno, only his teetering career. Griffin has him trained to fetch rubber stamps, and that’s it. If Charles McNeely is a city manager, then falling off a roof is transportation.

Positive, Price. Stay positive.

OK. I’ll be back in Reno at the end of September to teach one last stand-up comedy class, this one at Just For Laughs at the Sands Hotel-Casino.

How does it work?

Four Saturdays in a row, 10 a.m. to 1 p.m., then an invitation-only graduation show Tuesday night, Oct. 23. It’s a limited class size, so anybody interested should call 348-1367. That’s 348-1367.

So you’re not really, really leaving town?

I love Reno, which is why I’m so really, really pissed off at the bad guys. Still, I’ll always come home.

I’m gonna miss you, pal.

I’m gonna miss me, too. That’s 348-1367.

Then this is … (sob) … goodbye?

Relax, you emotional little muffin. After all, this column has lasted longer than some of my marriages. If you need me, it’s thepricewrites@earthlink.net.

Final thought?

Vaya con queso.