Tap into your second childhood

We hear on occasion about the importance of taking care of your inner child, to give that part of your now-shell shocked psyche room for self-expression once in a while. If it's been a bit since you took care of that kind of business—maybe you've been too busy nurturing your inner 26-year old at your inner 6th grader's expense?—there's a quick and excellent way to do what has to be done. I mean, of course, that you treat yourself to the most high-powered version of Godzilla that remains available on the big screen.

Nothing, but nothing, rocks your inner 12 year old like a good romp with Zill. I don't care about your gender, your racial background, your sexual preferences, or your investment strategies. All I know is that your inner 12 is gonna appreciate the gesture, and will repay you with some good old-fashioned super zealous 12 year old earnest gratitude.

Rest assured, right off the bat, that the producers, directors, and stars of this new Godzilla know very well that there are two points in every Zilla flick where the rubber meets the road. One is when Mr. G announces himself with the classic Godzilla thunder/metallo vocal super roar. The sound crew for this new flick jumps all over this essential in a thoroughly appropriate and deliciously over-the-top fashion, and quite simply, brings it. The result is not just satisfying, it's satisfying on an extreme visceral level. This is critical. When Zill cuts loose with that first bridge-rattling blast, we in the audience instinctively want it to jostle our intestines a little bit. We wanna experience a sonic beatdown, one that leads to submission, respect, and sick delight. That's what happens, and it is most off-the-hookedly solid.

Crucial Zilla Point Number 2 goes down when The Lizard King finally has to break out the Flame-a-tosis. It always seems as though Godzilla would just as soon not have to bust out his Melt Mouth, maybe because using it is extremely taxing or something, but eventually, he can't just smash, pound and mangle his way through to resolving all of the issues at hand, and something, he finally decides, just needs to fucking burn. Which is when the Good God flames on, and again, here in this new movie, the results are so mega ultra epic that we in the audience have no choice but to simply be broasted with extreme satisfaction. They just freakin' nail it. And that's just the first blast. With the next one, we discover that we are forced to take seriously the concept of Zilla porn. The scene is just that good. It soars into realms that leave us baked, stunned and agog. And hey, isn't that why you came to the dang movie in the first place?

Another pleasantry from the new Godzilla is the cameo appearances put in by both Yucca Mountain and Vegas. No spoilers here, except to say if you've ever wanted to see something mischievous happen to that funky faux Eiffel Tower there on Las Vegas Boulevard, well, your ship has come in, so to speak.