Stop showering, and pee outside

From an article about the West being burnt, baked and barbecued, some bullet points for you to consider.

(!) Drought has been on now since ’99, with the 11 Western states the hardest hit.

(!) The past 12 months in California and Nevada were the driest since 1924.

(!) The volume of water in the Colorado River, used by seven states and two countries, has decreased by half in the past eight years.

You get the idea. Things are real crackly out here. We know that. What you mayn’t know is that we’re not too far away from getting so damn desiccated that we actually might take action and do something about it. Look what’s going on in Vegas. The city just put $100 million in its budget to give to locals, at two bucks a square foot, if they’ll dig up their lawn and convert it to something … anything! … else.

And yet, do we really have a water crisis? The answer is yes only if we insist on being able to use water in the same mindless, assholian way that we always have. Any reasonable person would have to admit that we have a lot of room for improvement when it comes to efficiency in water use. Basically, we in The West are to water what The Three Stooges were to a room full of cream pies. We could save tons and tons of water if we would just dare to yank our heads out and engage in some halfway intelligent lifestyle reconsideration.

1) Lawns. Hey, lawns used to be cool here back in 1965. Lots of water for all. Now, in century 21, things are different. Lots more people. Lots more lawns. Perhaps you’ve noticed? Having a big lawn these days is as environmentally appropriate as a giant squid farm in Telluride. Lawns in Eugene or Dublin? Fine. Lawns in Reno? No longer sensible. A little spot of lawn, OK. After all, the Mormon crickets are gonna need something to munch on when they get to your ’hood. Ixnay on the igbay awnlay.

2) Showers. We’re automatons about showering every day. Especially from October to April, when the act of perspiration pretty much disappears. If just a third of us would be more “European” about it and shower every other day, we’d save enough water to build three new money-losing golf courses.

3) Peeing. I’ve harped on this before. The concept: Men and boys who live at a house where there’s a backyard and minimal privacy should be peeing outside. Always. Femmes, you get a pass here, although if you want to help, please, splatter away. It’s positively crackers for us desert dwellers to waste two to three gallons of fresh water just to flush away a bit of yellow water. Added bonus—all “seat-raising” domestic squabbles disappear. In fact, you males could double your good deed quotient and employ this new urinary exit strategy to slowly but surely kill your damn lawn.