Speed Racer

The summer movie season has its first bona fide bomb with this big screen update of the strange cartoon. The Wachowski brothers cast Emile Hirsch as the lead character, and that’s about all they do right. The movie is a disjointed mess, a constant barrage of uninteresting computer animation that makes the action hard to follow. The plot involves some sort of nonsense involving Speed Racer’s (Hirsch) family trying to avoid evil corporate sponsorship and remain a family racing organization. That’s right, it’s a family film about the evils of corporate sponsorship. You know these kids today; they’re all about video games, skateboarding, and watching films about evil corporations trying to corrupt sweet family businesses. They can’t get enough of that corporate world shit! The best thing about the movie is the chimp, who is pretty gosh-darned-dang cute. Otherwise, it’s an unholy mess.